Posted on 12/01/2005 7:35:08 AM PST by Maximus of Texas
I had planned to be a real writer and actually REVIEW the Rolling Stones concert. If my plan had worked, you would be reading a celebration of my wry observations, self-elevating negativity and clever put-downs the lifeblood of CRITICISM. However, just like my attempts at lovemaking, I failed.
First of all, seating was an issue. I sat in the anus of the arena about 37 feet from heaven. It was impossible to REVIEW anything from that vantage point, except your life.
At 7:30 p.m., loud music issued from the speakers and a rumor metastasized that there was a band on a stage somewhere. The opening act wasn't allowed to use the large video screen, so we in the cheap seats were left to our imagination as to what this band actually looked like.
I tried to pretend they were a handsome boy band with suggestive dancing but got uncomfortable when I turned to see God looking at me with omniscient disgust from 37 feet away. It was very difficult to tap your feet without supplemental oxygen, so we all kept movement to a minimum. I did spot a Sherpa doing the rag before I lost consciousness.
At 9:15 the Stones hit the stage and the altitude sickness lifted. I had my pen and notebook all ready to write down peer-reviewed phrases such as "the Stones have become a parody of themselves," but the paper sailed out of my lap as I screamed, stood up, and dry-humped the guy next to me.
Author's note: Don't sit next to your dad at a Stones concert.
Mick Jagger was incredible. He had energy, stage presence and a merciful ability to distract your eye from the mess that is Ron Wood. Wood looked like a lethargic scarecrow in an advanced state of confusion and The Human Formerly Known as Keith Richards looked like a cross-dressing pirate with a face like the surface of an elephant's ass.
I didn't care; I loved it. I couldn't be a real writer after all.
And I was happier for it.
He can't even put his chin on it. He ain't got one.
ahh..
This was some pretty good writing...
carry on :-)
Funny review. I saw them at Duke in October and Jagger was very impressive at his age...constantly running around the stage. It was a great concert (and cheap for me), despite their political leanings. Straight up rock-n-roll!
But he's a pirate! Gotta love pirates!
Did the Rolling Stones sing 'Painted Black'? I love that song...
We should do the same for the condom dispensers in your men's bathrooms.
there'd be a whole bunch of wadded up $5 in that dispenser.
Not sure what companies you have worked for but I have yet to see a condom machine in a corporate restroom. Maybe I should contact HR.
Oooooh, that's like, 20 years in Purgatory.
ok, goofy off, you've got me on that one.
No, I don't work in a bar or a strip joint. It's just that I don't frequent the men's room.
I can say I have never had to use one of those. I think most of us gals are "prepared". Hey Max, have you ever wandered into a ladies room on accident?
Funny bit!
I'm not a Rolling Stones fan.
Big Band Jazz ad all progressive Jazz is what I listen to.
On accident, no. On purpose, every chance I get.
Why does that answer not surprise me...LOL.
"Hey Max, have you ever wandered into a ladies room on accident?"
He did that once in high school but he just wanted to impress us with a huge fart.
Maybe I can help you out. There was a Greatful Dead video where they were all puppets. At one point, the puppets become skeletons. Kinda neat vid. Anyway, the difference between that and our friend in the pic is that he's in that transition phase. Really gross!
They did at the ones we saw this tour in Charlottesville and Charlotte.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.