Top 7 Worst Christmas Songs

PA Times | 11/29/05 | Santa Pissant

[pissant]

Last year, we ran through the list of best Christmas songs and carols. Lotsa of great memories. This year, it's time to list the WORST Christmas songs ever recorded. Some are because the version performed by the "artist" is horrid. Others because the song itself is weak and irritating. You be the judge.

Either way, I had a difficult time paring down the list. I left off "novelty" songs by the Chipmunks and Donald Duck, etc. They were intended to annoy, and thus were successful in their own right!

Top 7 Worst Christmas Songs Ever Recorded

7. Blue Christmas - by ANYONE OTHER THAN ELVIS PRESLEY -- Great song when sung by the King. Otherwise it is grating beyond belief.

6. 12 days of Christmas - various artists -- Why anyone listens to this silly thing is beyond me

5. Frosty the Snowman - various artists -- As annoying to me as the TV cartoon trotted out each year

4. Do They Know It's Christmas - Band Aid -- Another Bob Geldof save the starving biafrins effort. Truly unlistenable. With singing contributions from Boy George, Stink (Sting to some), and Wham, it is doomed to make many "worst" lists until it is completely forgotten about.

3. So This is Christmas - John Lennon -- As bad, if not worse, than his retarded Give Peace A Chance. A dirge for the ages.

2. Santa Clause is Coming to Town - Bruce Springsteen -- Truly pathetic, like 98% of his constipated sounding songs.

1. Santa Clause is Coming to Town - Jackson Five -- Truly the most irritating vocals I've ever heard, by a screeching young Michael Jackson. Nails on Chalkboards sound like Pavoratti by comparison

[exile]

Dominic the Christmas Donkey. I'm not a religious guy, but that song makes me want to convert to Judaism out of spite.

[Poser]

Worst Ever
Little Drummer Boy - Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band

Best
White Christmas - Leon Redbone
Back Door Santa - Jon Bon Jovi and Richie S.
I'm Your Santa - Lil' Ed & The Blues Imperials
Blue Christmas - Leon Redbone
Blues for Christmas - John Lee Hooker
Santa Baby - Madonna (who would have thunk it?)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Pretenders (who would have thunk it?)
Trim Your Tree - Jimmy Butler

[Poser]

I forgot Stevie Nicks version of Silent Night. I still have fond memories of when Stevie was HOT!

[CatoRenasci]

I like the parodies Mark Levin uses: Chipmunks Roasting on an Open fire or Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear.

[Ditter]

I've Hired A Wino To Decorate Our Home, for Christmas.

You may not have heard it, it's new.

[raccoonradio]

That's the 12 Pains of Christmas--by Bob Rivers Comedy Corporation. He's the morning guy at KZOK in Seattle.

http://www.bobrivers.com/


I know I've posted it before, but here's a parody I wrote
to a famed Christmas tune. Sing it to yourself when you hear the more famous version on the radio:

Have yourself a Kerry Little Christmas
Cozy all the way
While the seat of power lies so far away

You'll be just one more lib in the Senate
Thanks to W
You won't live on Pennsylvania Avenue

Ketchup heiress has lots of dough
Lots and lots of dough, to spend
It won't buy you the White House though
For the voters know, my friend

Mondale, Gore, and also Mike Dukakis
Know just how you feel
When voters see you, they see you have no appeal
So have yourself a Kerry Little Christmas, now

[JJR RNCH]

I personally can't stand "Joy To The World". If anyone says this to me this year, I'm going postal. Can you guess my first name?

[SoothingDave]

The only Christmas music I like much these days (except for Frank Sinatra versions of the classics) is made by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra

Are those the guys that sound just like Mannheim Steamroller?

I guess, if you think organs and heavy metal guitar sound alike.

SD

[Keltik]

>>>
"Please Daddy ,Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas" by John Denver. May there be a special place in Purgatory for him for his engineering particular POS
<<<

Never heard it -- any relation to the 70s country-rock classic "Daddy's Drinkin' Up Our Christmas" by Commander Cody and His Lost Planet Airmen?

[Keltik]

>>>
White Christmas - Leon Redbone
Back Door Santa - Jon Bon Jovi and Richie S.
I'm Your Santa - Lil' Ed & The Blues Imperials
Blue Christmas - Leon Redbone
Blues for Christmas - John Lee Hooker
Santa Baby - Madonna (who would have thunk it?)
Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas - Pretenders (who would have thunk it?)
Trim Your Tree - Jimmy Butler
<<<

PHIL SPECTOR'S CHRISTMAS ALBUM -- contains great versions of, among other songs, the previously maligned "Frosty The Snowman" & "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus". If you can make the latter sound soulful you're definitely onto something.

Surprised nobody's mentioned Charles Brown's "Please Come Home For Christmans."

[theDentist]

Any Christmas songs by Madonna. And all her other "music".

[Smokin' Joe]

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me..a beer.

On teh second day of Christmas, my ... .

Just one and the typos start?

[Smokin' Joe]

If you're 'feelin depressed at Christmas... this one will have you 'lookin for the razor-blades.

"I'll Be Home for Christmas" can be a real wrist slasher too...

[peacebaby]

I fell offfff mu chair...sho shorry.

[Not A Snowbird]

Felice Navidad. Period.

[Barney Gumble]

What about David Bowie and Bing Crosby singing little Drummer Boy. Which is worse?

[Smokin' Joe]

Itschnot the beer that duzhit, it's all the shinging.

[dfwgator]

Felice Navidad. Period.

I always thought that song was "Police nab me dad."

[dfwgator]

I love XTC, but they put out a dreadful Christmas song called "Countdown to Christmas Party Time." Andy, what were you thinking?

[maggief]

I love Christmas, just dislike the album.