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Tony Stewart scraps monkey on his back
Published December 22, 2005

ARLINGTON, Texas -- NASCAR Nextel Cup champion Tony Stewart doesn't remember where he was when the call came -- at a racetrack, certainly, but they sort of blend together. It was from Krista, his former longtime girlfriend. They share joint custody of the child. Stewart knew that this call was trouble.

"Let me tell you what your son just did," Krista said. When Krista says your son like that, it's always trouble.

What Stewart's son had done was find a pen, break it in half and let the ink run into a pool. Then he dipped both hands in the ink, and proceeded to leave ink handprints all over the house. And when the handprints started to fade, he went back to the ink puddle, dipped and started all over again.

Yes, Stewart had to admit, it was bad. Not the worst, though: That had to be when the three of them were in his motor home at a race, and a doctor was visiting -- something about a hyperbaric chamber -- and when the doctor left, he accidentally closed the door on their son's tail.

Tail? Did I mention their son is an 18-month-old Patas monkey named Mojo?

Anyway, Mojo's tail was bleeding, badly. "If Krista had a gun, she would have shot that poor doctor," Stewart says. Mojo flew around the motor home -- did I mention that the Patas monkey is the world's fastest terrestrial primate, capable of running at speeds up to 35 mph? -- flinging blood everywhere. Everywhere. Mojo is fine, and the motor home has been sold, but certainly there must still be flecks of monkey blood in multiple unseen areas.

And then at the last race at Homestead, Mojo, who likes to jump into Stewart's arms, saw Stewart on TV and jumped into his arms, sending a 42-inch plasma TV to the floor, and then the dump. "If I ever have real kids," Stewart says, "I'm prepared."

But Stewart, 34, is between girlfriends, and real kids are not on the immediate horizon. Mojo lives mostly with Krista in North Carolina -- they have a monkey nanny to stay with Mojo when Krista is at work -- so when Stewart is back home in Indiana, he spends time with daughter Kayle. Who is an 8-pound, 8-ounce Chihuahua.

They watch Animal Planet together. Kayle usually sleeps with Stewart, in the same bed, sometimes with her little head on the pillow right next to his.

Awww!

Say, Tony, got any photos of that?

"NO!" he says. (In the interest of full disclosure and certain humiliation, I must reveal that I own not one but two Chihuahuas. No monkeys.)

All this is revealed during a lengthy dinner at Bodacious Bar-B-Q, where they serve Coca-Colas in those little bottles, and they keep 'em coming. Stewart was good for four. Bodacious is just up the road from the General Motors assembly plant in Arlington, between Dallas and Fort Worth. Stewart, who drives a Chevrolet Monte Carlo race car, spent the afternoon at the plant, where the company is ramping up construction of the all-new 2007 Chevrolet Tahoe sport-ute.

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http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/local/orl-scscol2205dec22,0,715096.column?page=1