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Quotes of the year
by Monte Dutton
Gazette Sports Writer

Date Added: 12/1/2005

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Some are insightful. Some are humorous. Some are wacky and inexplicable. For a variety of reasons, following is a collection of remarks made during the season just completed:

“That’s baloney, man. That’s what’s wrong with America now. Every time somebody screws up, we tell them it’s all right. You don’t pay your bills? You can file bankruptcy. You kill somebody? Spend 10 years in jail, and we’ll let you out. That’s what’s wrong with society now, man. If you do the crime, do the time. If you had the guts to do it, have the guts to take your punishment.” – crew chief Michael McSwain, telling the Richmond Times-Dispatch he was tired of hearing competitors whining after being caught cheating.

“It takes guts to keep your right foot down.” – Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“Well, if you’re racing around him, normally you’re doing pretty good.” – Dale Earnhardt Jr., on Jeff Gordon

“What he did early on was recognize the fact that I knew nothing.” – Kurt Busch, talking about owner Jack Roush.

“I still want to buy the NHRA (National Hot Rod Association), and they want me to buy it. They just don’t know it yet.” – O. Bruton Smith

“You know, when Arnold Palmer came on TV with an old tractor and told me to buy Pennzoil, I bought that, and when Dale Jarrett advertises UPS, I can go along with that, too. But I don’t think having an 18-year-old, somebody who’s probably gotten five packages in his life and they were all ‘Girls Gone Wild’ videos, tell me what delivery service I should use would have much effect on me.” – Kyle Petty

“If a car is tight, I can only drive it as fast as it will go. If it’s loose, I can drive it as fast as I want to go, and usually that’s faster.” – Mark Martin

“That’s all we’ve got in Cup anymore. These races are just a series of short squirts.” – Mark Martin, bemoaning the increase in crashes and caution flags.

“These cars are always hard to drive. If they were easy to drive, you and everybody could do it.” – Tony Stewart

“If a driver isn’t bright enough to figure out that they need to take care of themselves when every economic incentive will disappear if they don’t, then we’ve got the wrong kind of drivers.” – Roush Racing president Geoff Smith, nearly six months before one of his driver, Kurt Busch, encountered trouble with the cops in Phoenix.

“Either way you look at it, it equivalates to money.” – Jeff Gordon, creating a new word when asked why so many Cup drivers also race in Busch.

“Basically, what we’ve got is a beautiful golf course, but the putts aren’t going exactly where we want, so we’re smoothing out the greens.” – Lowe’s Motor Speedway president H.A. “Humpy” Wheeler, announcing his “levigation” project.

“I love this kind of racing, (but) these guys sure change their personalities in race mode. They’re like Doberman pinschers with a hand grenade in their mouths.” – road racer Boris Said

“I stepped on that big motor, and it was like stepping on a cat’s tail, and it went right around.” – Mark Martin, describing a spin.

“He’s not happy unless he’s sideways, and he was … several times.” – Biffle’s crew chief, Doug Richert, after the same race.
“It’s been way too long since any of these drivers have had to fix one of these race cars.” – Mark Martin

“As soon as you have a caution, then you have a wreck. Then you have a wreck, and one of the cars in that wreck has something fall off it. Then that causes another yellow flag. Cautions breed cautions.” – Martin

“At some point in every race, he gets pit-bull mad. I just backed off and waited until I could get by him.” – Jimmie Johnson, referring to Tony Stewart, at Dover.

“I only second-guess myself. I don’t tell anybody.” – Rusty Wallace

“That’s the way racing is nowadays. It’s crazy. Everybody’s going all out. Anybody could get wrecked on any lap. You get through something like this and you just yell ‘woo-hoo!” – Michael Waltrip, after winning a qualifying race at Daytona.

“He’s certainly not the milkman’s son, is he?” – Mike Skinner, on Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“It knocked me in the air like I was getting hit in the butt with a rubber ball.” – Rusty Wallace, describing a Daytona crash.

“I’m nocturnal. The time didn’t bother me. I’m an old sprint-car guy. Usually, at this time of night, I’m loading up the car and heading to the Waffle House.” – Tony Stewart, after winning the night race at Daytona.

“In 1986, I was working with the Buick people. They put their thumb up on the side of the Buick Le Sabre and decided to give it to us as a race car. After two weeks, we decided if we cut the body off and put it on backwards, it would run faster.” – Larry McReynolds, on how the sport has changed.

“I hate fuel-mileage races where the fastest car doesn’t win.” – Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“He’s an idiot. It’s no wonder Kevin Harvick’s wanted to kill him for so long.” – Tony Stewart, on Greg Biffle

“The track is about as unique as it gets. Last month (in the Pocono 500), my spotter kept saying ‘turn four,” so, after about the third or fourth time he said ‘turn four,’ I finally asked him, ‘What track are you looking at?’ Of course, he was talking about the final turn, which is usually turn four, but there aren’t four turns at Pocono. There are just the three.” – Ken Schrader [I did the same thing]

“When you’re a driver, and you’re struggling in the car and trying to get your car handling right, you’re looking for God to come out of the sky and give you a magical answer.” – Rusty Wallace

“I’ve been criticized enough where y’all can’t hurt me. You can’t write anything that’s going to make my day any worse. And you can’t all of a sudden tell me I’m smart and great and make me feel any better. Because I didn’t believe you when you said I sucked and I’m not going to believe you when you say I’m great. I’m just going to keep on being me.” – Michael Waltrip

“I don’t claim to have any answers or know the answers. We pay good money for good people to come in and build these things, but I can tell you when it don’t run, and I can tell you when it does run, and that’s my job and I’ve tried to do it.” – Dale Earnhardt Jr.
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“These guys are going to wreck. You can bet your butt on that. You’ve just got to make sure you’re not around when they do.” – Dale Jarrett

“The world’s right, no, it’s wrong, it’s right, it’s wrong again.” – Michael Waltrip, describing what it’s like to flip end over end at Talladega.

“I’ve always said that, when I’m an old man, I’m going to bore my grandkids to death with racing stories, and I’ll tell them once a week how I shocked everybody my rookie year by winning the Texas race. They’ll probably be, like, ‘You told us that yesterday.’” – Dale Earnhardt Jr.

“When he (Tony Stewart) crossed the finish line, I knew he’d won.” – Rusty Wallace, at Watkins Glen.

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