We're up to 48 spots filled.
May have to work for that trophy! :-D
Gazing into a cracked crystal ball
February 1, 2006
One of the amazing benefits of working at the Sporting News is having access to our archives. We've got questionnaires filled out by actual baseball players -- Married? Kids? What are you going to do in the offseason? -- dating back to forever ago, back when stick and ball athletes spoke to people other than their agents.
More impressive than that, I was noodling around online and found we have archives for events that haven't even happened yet. So if you're a gambling man, bet on this stuff happening in this Nextel Cup season . . .
February: Dale Earnhardt Jr. breaks out of his doldrums by appearing in six Budweiser commercials, four Wrangler ads and a Navy spot in the Super Bowl. In other news, he wins the Daytona 500 with a last lap pass of Jeff Gordon. "I was making eyes at my girlfriend and lost track of where I was," a despondent Gordon says. Jamie McMurray announces he has signed a contract to begin driving for DEI in 2010.
March: After five straight 43rd place finishes and constant feuds with his crew chief, Earnhardt Jr. puts the rights to punch Tony Eury Jr. up on eBay. Michael Waltrip makes the winning bid. Earnhardt fires Eury Jr. and hires Tony Eury III. NASCAR announces all teams will start using the Car of Tomorrow on the following Tuesday. Jack Roush's pituitary gland jumps involuntarily from his body. But nobody notices because rookie sensation Clint Bowyer finished on the lead lap for the third straight race.
April: Tony Stewart apparently meant it when he said he'd get in shape. He shows up for the Aaron's 499 at Talladega weighing just 125 pounds. But he's 36th in points and he has to have teammates lift his steering wheel so he can attach it. Earnhardt Jr. fires Eury III and hires Bob Vila. Earnhardt's car doesn't get any faster, but Vila builds him a wicked walk-in closet for his motorcoach. Earnhardt fires Vila and decides to act as his own crew chief. Somehow, he's fifth in points.
May: Greg Biffle wins his 10th straight race. But nobody notices because the media can't get enough of rookie sensation Denny Hamlin, who has three top 15 finishes. Earnhardt fires self as crew chief, re-hires Eury Jr. after tearful reunion at a Darlington (S.C.) Waffle House, where, coincidentally, Tony Stewart has eaten every meal for three weeks. The All-Star Challenge and Coca-Cola 600 are cancelled when Humpy Wheeler's ingenious resurfacing plan backfires. Apparently, Goodyear tires are not made to run on broken glass. Jamie McMurray announces he has signed a contract to begin driving for Bill Davis Racing in 2015.
June: Jimmie Johnson snaps after winning at Michigan and calls all Lowe's employee owners "a bunch of tools who can't get better jobs. And really, does anybody believe they are employee owners? Pfft!" But nobody notices because rookie sensation Reed Sorenson masterfully finished 14th for the third time in as many weeks. After Stewart goes on another midsummer tear, it is discovered that he found the 75 pounds he lost. Not to be outdone, Michael "Fatback" McSwain locks himself in an Arby's, which immediately signs on as the official roast beef sandwich of NASCAR.
July: The second Pocono race could be in jeopardy as the stands are completely empty when the race ends a mere 76 hours after it starts. "I like cars driving in circles, not triangles," says Bruce "Meat" Ocdonawicz of nearby Scranton. Will Ferrell brings NASCAR to the big screen with the movie Talladega Nights experienced by a guy who is High, Wide and Handsome. This is NASCAR's biggest pop culture splash since Days of Thunder, which was huge at the time but seems dated now, probably because its star has turned into a couch-jumping fruit loop. Ferrell's crew chief is played by Michael Clarke Duncan, who is hired and fired three times by Dale Earnhardt Jr.
August: Bobby Labonte wins the Allstate 400 presented by Soulless Advertisinig Sellouts. Post-race festivities are postponed when nobody from Petty Enterprises knows where victory lane is. Jamie McMurray announces he has signed a contract to begin driving for Petty Enterprises in 2017. Five Jack Roush Racing Fords are in the top 10, which prompts NASCAR president Brian France to initiate the Surname Exception, which bans all drivers from driving for a man with five letters in his last name. Bill Davis throws a fit. France agrees to grandfather him in.
September: Fourteen drivers make the Chase, but nobody notices because rookie sensation Martin Truex Jr. appears on The Today Show.
October: Stewart weighs in at 150 pounds and hasn't finished worse than fifth in two months. Earnhardt Jr. hires Stewart's chef as his crew chief. The resurfacing of Lowe's Motorspeedway hits another snag, as the Superglue that track workers used to hold track cracks together breaks apart. "I'd like to distract your attention with another glib and pointless remark," Humpy Wheeler says, blatantly stealing a line from The Simpsons. Jamie McMurray announces he will drive for Hendrick Motorsports in 2018.
November: Phoenix cops exonerate Kurt Busch. "We made it all up because we don't like him," the sheriff says in a statement. There's a five-way tie for the championship, but nobody notices because rookie sensation Brent Sherman qualified on the outside pole.
http://www.sportingnews.com/yourturn/viewtopic.php?t=58387
Emergency. Where is the thread to get in? Jolly Ranchers. Or address?