Did you hear about the cannibal who was expelled from school?
He was buttering up his teacher.
Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?
He's all right now.
Have you seen Quasimodo?
I have a hunch he's back!
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.
How can you tell when a vampire has been in a bakery?
All the jelly has been sucked out of the jelly doughnuts.
How do you fix a jack-o-lantern?
With a pumpkin patch.
How does a girl vampire flirt?
She bats her eyes.
What did mama cannibal said to baby cannibal when he told her that he really liked his grandfather?
"Would you like another piece?"
What did the cannibal do when he saw an "All you can eat" restaurant?
He had two waiters and a busboy.
What did the french fries dress up as for Halloween?
Masked potatoes.
What did the little ghost have in his rock collection?
Tombstones.
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
I'd like a beer and a mop!
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts and goblins drink on Halloween?
Ghoul-aid.
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do little ghosts drink?
Evaporated milk.
What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
Fish and ships.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A holy terror.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you do with a green monster?
Wait until it ripens.
What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.
A sour-puss.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a cannibal's favorite type of TV show?
A celebrity roast.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a ghost's favorite oatmeal?
SCREAM of Wheat.
What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What is as sharp as a vampires fang?
His other fang.
What is Beethoven doing in his coffin right now?
Decomposing.
What is Dracula's favorite kind of dog?
A blood hound.
What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.
What kind of key opens a casket?
A skeleton key