Posted on 10/27/2005 8:31:33 AM PDT by The Zontron 7000
Interesting. The Lulu link. I wll check out the other next.
Strawberry Fields Forever
I was trying to think of things to suggest, and when I reviewed the work, I saw that you were already doing those things. Best I can suggest is to practice reading the scene, as if it were a speech you were going to give. See if it seems to have the flow you want.
"Sabots" was the name given to the rocket-fighters. They were christened that because somebody thought they looked like an old wooden shoe.
Is this supposed to mean you've read my book?
You didn't get in trouble, did you?
Yes I read your book last spring, and no I managed to stay outta jail : )
I am actually going to write a whole technical manual to describe the weapons, equipment, vehicles and ships because there is A LOT.
The UDS-16 Horizon dropship is sort of the sci-fi equivilant to a UH-60 Blackhawk helicopter. Although it is mainly used to carry troops (in my novel's case, both light infantry and the heavy infantry, who pilot mechs) or supplies, it is designed to be armed and used for attack as well. Mainly in support of the troops it carries, but it is able to carry anti-ship missles (eight of them).
The SSGM-40 Peten (Hebrew for poison snake) is a nuclear missile designed to give dropships, fighters and strikeships a punch against the kilometer sized capital warships (where you NEED nukes if you do not have capital-ship sized plasma weapons or massdrivers. This is due to their sheer size and often, extremely thick armor plating and bulkheads, both of which are up to ten meters thick in some places). It is armed with a five-kiloton pure fusion waread.
The Sabot, or Rocket-Fighter, was an imposing craft to one on foot. It was massive in scale, and the approaching people were dwarfed by it. Kerry led Governor Tanaki to a minuscule boarding port, where a folding stairway had already been extended. “Mind the headroom, Ma’am. These fighters were built for speed and firepower, not pilot comfort.”
The Governor picked her way up the narrow entrance, and into the bowels of the ship. Her path was lighted with glowing footsteps of stepping points and handholds along the way.
“Please take the station on the right, Governor Tanaki. The controls have been deactivated, but don’t get your feet tangled in them, please.” Kerry lent her a hand in nestling down into the co-pilot’s seat, and helped her to secure her seat belt. Then he slid dexterously into the pilot’s seat next to her and smiled over at her. “Ready to go, Ma’am?”
“Let’s go, Kerry!” Governor Tanaki seemed intent on enjoying her experience. Kerry checked for the proper indicators, and moved his controller gently forward. With a soft roaring sound, the vessel rolled smoothly forward. Lining up on the takeoff runway, Kerry pushed the control forward about halfway. A firm hand pushed them back in the cushioned seats as the plane leaped forward. In seconds they were airborne.
Governor Tanaki was looking around at the control screens with evident interest as Kerry, adjusting for a comfortable negative roll setting, vectored into his flight path.
They continued to accelerate, blue streamers of ionized air molecules whipped past the viewscreens like a gauze curtain. “Top speed, Governor Tanaki, at least for this flight.” Her eyes opened wide at the numbers displayed. The viewscreen had navigational and flight path overlays showing that they were moving over the ground at an incredible pace.
“We’re not very high up, are we?” The governor inquired.
“No Ma’am, no need to. If we wanted to go really fast, though, that’s where we would be. I could take you up there where the sky gets black if you want me to.” Kerry looked over at her.
“That’s okay. I’m having fun as it is. You seem to be an excellent pilot, do you fly often?”
“No Ma’am. This is only about my tenth time actually up in the air.” Suddenly, the Governor looked a little nervous. “Oh, not to worry, Ma’am. What I meant was that most of the time, I’ve flown from the bunker stations. These planes can be operated by remote control, you know. That’s where I was when I got my nickname.” He pointed to the engraved word ‘Ace’ on his jacket.
“What did you do to earn it?” the governor asked.
“Well, Ma’am. I think that little action was why I was picked to be your escort today. I was the pilot who blew a nice, neat hole in the office of the Global Defense Director on Announcement Day. That was one of the few aggressive things we did that day.”
Governor Tanaki looked at him, “You must have been awfully young then.”
He smiled, “We were all young then. Just kids, really. I didn’t even know that the action was real. I thought I was playing an arcade game.” He looked at her eyes, “We were fighting for our lives, though.”
She looked away. “I wasn’t part of the decision to attack your settlements.” She paused, “I would have had to support it afterwards though.”
Kerry shrugged, “Wouldn’t have made any difference to me -- I would have been dead.”
She looked at him, her eyes narrowing slightly, “You may be right about the reason you were chosen as my pilot.”
Kerry glanced at her again, but said nothing.
Very good!
You may want to write the technical manual anyway, for your own reference, but I would recommend incorporating the salient details into a pilot's briefing, with interrogations, for your readers.
Never thught of putting details into a piltos breifing. I have a complete section of character biographies too, since I do not know how to put them into the story itself.
In a Hollywood movie, this would be done as the new commanding officer meets his(her) pilots.
You might consider revising to bring the details in as the calm before the storm. Your central character can be the new commander, forced to fly also because of a lack of pilots.
That would be kind of hard to do since my story is peaceful for the first 10 pages and then bam! attacks start happening and before the characters know it, war is upon them. Just like real wars start lol.
You could tell the story of how your heroine became a pilot, and an instructor, and then have Heck come to breakfast.
Cool :) good idea.
getting my brother home from the airport. which task was finally accomplished - six full hours after it was scheduled.
don't ask. long story.
Great.
This ground squirrel troll popped off too many times and keep raising his beady eyes up out of his spidey hole.
Then it got zotted.
This zotting is an early Christmas Present to the loyal freepers.
Did you ever post those photos of the Mad Bastard?
7400
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