Theory and reality
Little Johnny comes home with a homework paper to do. He asks his dad to help him write about the difference between theory and reality. His dad says, "Go to your Mom and ask her if she would sleep with another man for a million dollars. "Little Johnny does as he is told, and Mom says, "Well, yes, I suppose I would." His dad then says, "Now go ask your big sister if she would sleep with another man for a million dollars. "Little Johnny does this too, and Sis says, "Yes, I suppose I would." Little Johnny and his dad then sit down, and Dad says; "Now son, you've learned the difference between theory and reality. In theory, we're sitting on two million dollars. In reality, we're living with a couple of whores."
Ten things NOT to say to a cop when you're pulled over
10. Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
9. Wanta race to the station, Sparky?
8. I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
7. On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
6. You'll never get those cuffs on me...You Jerk!
5. Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
4. Hey wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
3. How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
2. Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
1. I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunk'in Doughnuts has a three for one special!