I usually call the local clinics and see how many people I can get over to cough and sneeze behind me then I head to the nearest MickyD's and invite a tall fat guy to sit in front of me and burp and fart all during the movie. I'll grind up some Dots and JuJubes and stick them on the soles of my shoes then make some microwave popcorn and let the cat pee on it so it has that fresh theater taste. Last but not least I tear up a few twenties so my wallet gets the whole experence. It takes work to get that real theater experience at home but with some work and planning it can be done.
You must not go to very nice theatres. I see people complaining about this all the time, and I don't experience this too often. Especially now that the local theater has stadium seating. The only thing I can really complain about is getting bent over at the concession stand. To avoid that I just avoid the concession stand.