The man replies, "All I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious: Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything -- meat, toast, fish, vegetables, you name it."
"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time I'll use chrome."
"Why chrome?" asks the patient.
The dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
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A young man was in love with a lovely young lady but unfortunately she did not feel the same way about him. In desperation he went and visited a group of witches searching for a love potion.
They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate solution however. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month.
He returned to the witches six weeks later excited and thankful. He and the young lady were to wed in a month.
The witch told him, ..."Nothin' says lovin' like something from a coven, and pills buried say it best."
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It is believed that the stock markets go up and down with the rise and fall of the hemlines in ladies skirts and dresses.
Proof of this phenomenon is in the following historical facts:
Glamour stocks and mini skirts soared in 1993.
Conglomerates and hemlines went down in the spring of 1994.
Hot pants led the Dow Jones up in 1971.
The advice to the investor then, is, "Don't sell until you see the heights of their thighs!"
Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California.
This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"