Now that is just...ugly.
The Fortune Telling Scale
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner of the waiting room and saw a weighing machine that also tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me.".
She went over to the machine, put a quarter in, and out came a card that read, "You're a nun who weighs 128 pounds and you're going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat down and thought about it. She reasoned that it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She went back to the machine, put her quarter in, and out came a card that read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you're going to play a fiddle." The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong! I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life."
She sat back down when out of nowhere a cowboy sat next to her and set his fiddle case in the seat next to the lady. The nun picked up the fiddle and played the most beautiful music, as if she had been playing for years. Startled, she looked back at the machine and said, "This is incredible! I've got to try it again!"
Back to the machine she went. She put her quarter in and another card came out that read, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you're going to break wind." Now the nun knew the machine was wrong. "I've never broken wind in public a day in my life!" She turned around and tripped, falling off the scale, breaking wind. Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it again!"
She went back to the machine, put in a quarter, and collected the card. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 pounds, you have fiddled and farted around and missed your plane to Chicago!!!"