There's Sex In My Violence!

The San Francisco Chronicle ^ | 7/22/2005 | Mark Morford

[RoyalsFan]

Thank God. I mean, thank God there was a screechy and pointless uproar over the fact that violence-addled teenagers can, via a free downloadable patch, watch badly animated semi-explicit soft-core sex scenes interspersed throughout the No. 1 best-selling video game, "Grand Theft Auto, San Andreas."

'Cuz you know, there you are, eyes bloodshot and fingers sore and synapses raw and butt prematurely widening, cranking along on your 117th hour of the insanely popular GTASA, and you're bustin' heads and makin' drug deals and swipin' cars and gang-bangin' and stuff is blowin' up all around.

And there's tons of guns and bazookas and knives and disposable slutty chicks and viciously corrupt cops and piles of blatant racism and drive-by shootings and pipe beatings and low-rider cars with massive silly chrome rims, and you can veritably feel the imminent heroin overdoses and taste the toxic prison food these thug characters will soon enjoy, and it's just all manner of bitchin' badass video-game glory of sufficient quality to numb your teenage soul to the point where you become so callous and lost and malicious you're ready to join the Young Republicans when WHOA, what the hell is this?

[Calico Cat]

Yep, I always associate "low-riders" and "gang-banging" with the Young Republicans.

[carumba]

I would ride in a low rider. Right now I have a mini van. The only advantage it has is that none of my kids will be caught dead in it.

[pageonetoo]

My youngest daughter turned 16 in June. She is restoring a Datsun 280Z, which was given to her by the original owner (We have 4 300ZX's). But, she needed something to drive, now, so "Snowflake" is the answer. Snowflake is my 1977 Mercedes 450SEL. Big V-8 (6.9), literally tons of real steel, and room for her friends, make this an ideal first car.

She isn't convinced, but my oldest daughter told her about the 1973 Cadillac Calais that she first drove.

Because gas prices are high, and the beast is BIGGGGGG, they don't drive as much! I also figure that in ANY altercation with another vihicle, she will come out better! The only mods planned for Snowflake are changing the headligh modules for a brighter Euro ones...

This photo was taken the first time we saw Snowflake (my sweet wife has names for ALL our cars (We currently are down to 11) babies, according to her)...

[Jaysun]

I would ride in a low rider. Right now I have a mini van. The only advantage it has is that none of my kids will be caught dead in it.

My wife has always been opposed to driving a mini van and I've been teasing her about it ever since we first got married. Last year at Christmas I borrowed one from a car dealer I know, he put a big ribbon on it for me. On Christmas Eve I left her keys behind her tire and he swapped them out. Christmas morning the kids saw it and woke her up. She tried to act pleased - for a few minutes. Then she said, "I always go along with you but I'm afraid I simply can't keep that van."

I kept it up for two days. I told her we could go meet Wes (the car dealer) for dinner and figure it out. He shows up with her car and she realized it was a joke. What followed was perhaps the best sex I've ever had. Strange huh?

[Jaysun]

Calico Cat,

Your tag line, "the simplest solution is usually the correct one" is right on the money.

It's called Occam's Razor. It's named after the 14th century English logician that discovered it, William of Ockham. It forms the basis of the principle of parsimony or law of economy. Occam's Razor states that one should make no more assumptions than needed. Put into everyday language, it says, "The simplest explanation is the best." When multiple explanations are available for a phenomenon, the simplest version is correct.