[Dashing Dasher]

SOME women like timid men. And I will only date respectful men.

I won't even look twice at an amusing cocky man. I will laugh at him and thank the stars that I'm mature enough to know that I am not interested in that behavior in my life.

Jeeves - you know that my case is a little different - I'm probably more self-confident, daring and assertive than most men - but I have dated all sorts of guys. Not timid, but kind, respectful, quiet, intellectual, witty, thoughtful - those things win in my book.

You can be all of those things - without being a wuss.

[tortoise]

I think many people incorrectly conflate cockiness and arrogance with confidence and assertiveness, and this mistake is more apparent in younger and less experienced people. The difference between them is really pretty thin, amounting to little more than the level of respectfulness the subject has for the person they are interacting with.

I would rephrase what Mr. Jeeves stated as women are not attracted to men who have mushy centers. If a man does not have a strong self-identity -- the specific nature of it is immaterial -- he is largely unmarketable in the dating world. This goes for women as well, but it is arguably less important in the overall calculus. Strength of character that can be counted on is a very important attribute for men to possess, which has only loose correlation with specific personality attributes.

Of course, there is always that other rule: a person of substance rarely has need to remind other people of this fact -- trying hard to have some is a sure sign someone doesn't have any.

(random Tuesday evening musings, not to be used with alcohol or while operating heavy machinery)