"I think you know my last boyfriend ... his name was Fabian"
How about:
"Could you come in and shave the hair off my back?"
Pretty much works for either sex.
"Hi, I'm John, meet my friend Jesus (point next to you); Jesus, this is _____ ."
That one is also unisex.
"Did I leave my handgun in the glove compartment or the trunk next to my last date?"
If you don't get a scream out of that one, you didn't say it right.
"Not only am I a Jehova's Witness, I also sell Life Insurance".
1. My dad's FR screen name is "navysealdad."
Or if she's divorced, talk about what an SOB she was married to, and how she's trying to get her lawyer to make him pay more, and what all her friends think about it.....
Pull my finger and guess which food I ate.
I'm a top AMWAY distributor & I'm going to make your life better!
"Have you seen the beauty of Reverend Sun Myung Moon?"
10. Looking through her purse she says, "Damnit! I'm out of chewing tobacco already."
9. "I'm glad we're going out. I've got 3 kids at home who need a Dad."
8. "You're exactly the kind of guy I would have hung out with back when I was a dude."
7. "You smell kinda wierd for a fat guy."
6. "My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol with penicillin, so I won't be drinking tonight."
5. "My last relationship ended sort of badly, but thankfully the judge ruled it was a justifiable homicide."
4. Scratching her head, she says, "Geez, just when you think the lice is gone for good..."
3. "Did I tell you my Aunt Betty died in this bed?"
2. "I hope you're a better lover than your brother was."
1. "I think being sexually active since I was 11 has helped me mature."
1. Let's go see a Julia Roberts movie.
For those of us who tend to be hit on by libs...
Have you ever heard of Free Republic?
I have actually used that.
Again, as I have stressed before, I think FR should start a dating service. Just think, if we had the success eHarmony had how many more voters we could add to our side. :D
Even though I've had some troubles in the past, I promise not to run away to Albuquerque without telling someone ever again.
Adding to the list....
11. I voted for Kerry - isn't he great!
12. You've met my Uncle Ted. He can't swim.
14. Have you ever heard of Democrat Underground? I love that website.
15. I'm a Vegan.
16. Wanna see my pierced @%$#$#%?