So, we have all these guys in Ethiopa showing us pictures of all the starving kids. I figure one of the camera men can give them a sandwich. But here would come the director.
NOOOOOO! DON'T GIVE HIM THAT. HE'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK SAD! EVERYBODY'S SUPPOSED TO LOOK SAD. HOW'S HE GONNA LOOK SAD IF HE'S EATING A SANDWICH. ARE YOU STUPID?
Of course, if it were up to me, I wouldn't give them food. I'd give them U-Hauls.
<Puts his arm around a pretend Ethiopian's shoulders.>Come here. Let me show you something. <pretends to pick something off the ground.> You see this? Do you know what this is?
IT'S SAND. EVERYTHING IS SAND. THIS IS A F***ING DESERT. NOTHING GROWS HERE. NOTHING'S EVER GONNA GROW HERE. YOU HAVE TO MOVE. WE HAVE DESERTS IN AMERICA, WE JUST DON'T LIVE IN 'EM, A$$HOLE!
In memory of the late Sam Kenneson. I hope I'm spelling his name right.
Shalom.
Right before the '88 election I saw him in Akron. The people in front of us had Dukakis and Metzenbaum buttons on, and it was quite perfect when the first thing Sam did was go off on what a loser Dukakis was.
-Eric