Posted on 06/11/2005 2:26:04 AM PDT by american_ranger
"Oh...THAT explains the red Corvette!"
Yes. You're a real crack-up! ;o)
Pardon me, Roy, is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?
A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, slides up to the bar and announces "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Madam, I can't tell the difference, I'm a topologist!
Ok, I get it now, just the punch lines....;o)
"Pretentious? MOI?" --Sybill Fawlty
-- and --
"Seizure? I don't even KNOW her!"
Ping for later.
Her mother asked how her date went and she said, "Woosey"!
"...but the cheap b*stard in the fur coat didn't pay me at all!"
.. Farmer Jones lives with his tame bear in the remote country with only dirt access roads. His tame bear had been naughty that day so he put him in the barn and said "you stay here until you learn how to behave yourself".
Shortly afterwards it begin to rain (a real heavy down pour). About an hour later a travelling salesman got stuck in the mud and asked the Farmer for a place to stay. The Farmer told him he didn't have room in the house, however he could stay in the barn. He told the salesman there were no lights in the barn and his tame bear was in the barn. The Farmer said the bear would not bother him. The salesman went to the barn.
Later another travelling salesman got stuck in the mud and the Farmer told him about the barn - no lights and the tame bear. Salesmen left for barn.
One hour later a woman got stuck in the mud and approached the Farmer. He told her about the barn and mentioned the two travelling salesmen (he was so concerned about the salesmen he forgot to mention the bear).
The woman told the farmer that she could take care of herself and left for
the barn.
Two hours later the Farmer was awakened by heavy knocking at the door. When opening the door the woman was standing there with her clothes torn and rumpled.
The Farmer said "Good heavens, what happened to you?"
The woman replied "I give up on human nature... the first guy gave me forty dollars, the second guy gave me fifty dollars, but that cheap bastard in the fur coat didn't pay me at all!"
;^)
Finally, Bill (Clinton) says, in a very, very low whisper, "Who is this?"
No, I'm not marryin' her.
She ain't good enough for her own kin, she ain't good enough for us.
AYBABTU
All your punch line are belong to us.
"Nope, just mustard this time."
"I think it was dead because it's tongue was sticking out"
Ooh that's a good one...
A girl goes on a date with a guy. They go to the carnival. The guy asks her what they want to do...she says "I wanna be weighed." So they go to the "guess your weight" booth...and she's still not happy...so they keep walking, and later on the guy asks again, what do you want to do? She replies "I wanna be weighed" and they repeat what they did earlier...this repeats through the night till he drops her off at home...then...Her mother asked how her date went and she said, "Wousy..."!
;^)
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