Posted on 04/15/2005 8:30:45 AM PDT by pissant
1. Ask her to dance.
2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth.
3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her.
4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep.
5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family.
6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by.
7. Call her when you’re feeling sad.
8. Kiss her eyelids.
9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child.
10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower.
11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately.
12. TOO NAUGHTY (ed)
13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names.
14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl.
15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it.
16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car.
17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
18. Send her something in the mail. Anything.
19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is.
20. Call her just before you get on the plane.
21. Pick her clothes up off the floor.
22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down.
23. Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game.
24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back.
25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice.
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard.
27. Worship her breasts.
28. Give her jewellery.
29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.)
30. Ask her specific questions about her work.
31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand.
32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her.
33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up.
34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire.
35. TOO SAUCY (ed)
36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip.
37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken.
38. Notice when she’s wearing something new.
39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall.
40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies.
41. If she’s too stressed to want sex... a. Run a bath for her. b. Give her a full-body massage. c. Ask if she wants to wrestle.
LOL. Actually I asked her to pack her things and leave because she started acting too mannish and controlling.
1. Ask her to dance. (Chicks dig the funky Chicken)
2. On windy days, brush wayward strands of hair from her eyes and mouth. (Shave her head while she sleeps, it's easier)
3. When she’s coming down the street, across the room, or up the stairs to meet you, walk towards her as soon as you see her. (Nuts to that, sounds like work)
4. Kiss her between her shoulder blades when she turns her back to you to go to sleep. (nothin says lovin like a slap on the tush)
5. Put your arm around her when you introduce her to your friends and family. (Don't introduce her as "Chunky Style")
6. Grasp her hand when a scantily dressed, beautiful woman walks by. (Don't say, "Check out the rack on that one!")
7. Call her when you’re feeling sad. (What is she, a suicide hotline?)
8. Kiss her eyelids. (Lick barbeque sauce off her on rib night)
9. Ask to see a picture of her when she was a child. (Don't then say "Awww, a baby monkey!")
10. Wash her from head to toe in the shower. (Lick her, and then say, "that's how Fluffy cleans her kittens!")
11. If she’s crying on the phone, go over to her place. Immediately. (Say "I'll give ya somethin' to cry about")
12. TOO NAUGHTY (ed) (tee hee)
13. Occasionally call her by her first and middle names. (You've got to be freaking kidding me?)
14. Buy her your favourite rock album of all time on vinyl. (Get her "It's Raining Men" on eight track)
15. Order coffee for her, remembering exactly how she likes it. (Remember how You like it, then when she doesn't want it, you can drink it).
16. Undress her and put her to bed when she falls asleep in the car. (Lay on the horn, hilarity will ensue)
17. Mention your upcoming anniversary before she does.
(Don't add, "Hey isn't that also Mr. T's Birthday?")
18. Send her something in the mail. Anything. (Like bills)
19. When she’s feeling insecure, stare into her eyes and tell her there is no-one in the world who could be as right for you as she is. (Bonus points for not laughing)
20. Call her just before you get on the plane. (Don't add, "Remember that episode of 'The Twilight Zone' with William Shatner")
21. Pick her clothes up off the floor. (Yell at her "The floor is not a hamper!")
22. Try desperately to make her laugh when she’s feeling down. (Try a good joke like, "The doctor called, it's terminal. Just Kidding!)
23. Take her to see your favourite sport live. Pay more attention to her than to the game. (and if your favorite sport just happens to be lap-dancing?)
24. Touch her arm when you leave the table to go to the bathroom. Touch her again when you come back. (Say "The mens room was out of paper towels)
25. Shave just before you see her. She’ll notice. (Then ask her if she shaved those monkey thighs of hers)
26. Hug her when she gets jealous. Hug her hard. (Crack some ribs)
27. Worship her breasts. (Sacrifice a virgin to her fun bags)
28. Give her jewellery. (Let her know you got it out of a box of Lucky Charms)
29. Hand her two towels when she gets out of the shower. (The second one is for her hair.) (Don't say "Here Lardo, there's too much for one to dry")
30. Ask her specific questions about her work. (Pretend to be interested)
31. Keep her favourite cereal on hand. (If her favorite cereal is Fiber One, ask her if everything came out ok)
32. In the middle of a conversation, tell her you love her. (don't add, I love you, just like I love Dr. Pepper)
33. Send her very expensive flowers when you screw up. (Go with those big horseshoe things)
34. Take her to a cabin with a fireplace. Build her a fire. (Watch Evil Dead)
35. TOO SAUCY (ed) (woo-hoo)
36. Read her a story when it’s her turn to drive during a long road trip. (Try Stephen King's "Christine")
37. Offer to fix something at her place that you realise is broken. (don't offer to fix her cat, unless you are a veterinarian)
38. Notice when she’s wearing something new. (What are we, Mr. Blackwell? Guys don't notice that stuff)
39. Make love to her standing up, against a wall. (Whisper the Miranda Rights into her ear)
40. Kiss her hand in front of your most die-hard bachelor buddies. (Introduce her as "The Warden")
41. If she’s too stressed to want sex... a. Run a bath for her. b. Give her a full-body massage. c. Ask if she wants to wrestle. (Body-slam her like Andre the Giant)
It is as a power tool. Powered by that expensive compressor.
Excellent response!
Say that you are too tired to help with household chores during the week, and have a tee time every Saturday.
Well, here are a few of my own....
42. Ask her questions like "What's your ring size? And your birthstone is? And what is your favorite type of gold?" when walking by jewelry stores.
43. Frequent said stores...OFTEN.
44. Give her gifts for her favorite hobbies....Credit cards to her favorite store, days at her favorite spa, coupons free Jimmy Choo shoes....erm,
see 42 & 43.
45. Memorize and repeat often-- "Don't lose any weight! I can't stand it when I lose some of you!"
46. Buy her gifts for no reason (see 42, 43 and 44).
47. Hire a housekeeper.
48. Hire a gardener.
49. Make sure the housekeeper is over 60, works 10 ours a day and wears ugly clothes.
50. Make sure the gardner is under 30, works out 2 hours a day and doesn't wear a shirt.
51. While you're at it, hire a cook (see if Bobby Flay or Alton Brown are in the market for new jobs).
52. Repeat 43, 44 and 46 often.
53. Put a second bathroom in the house that is ALL yours and that you use exclusively....have the poor 60 year old clean it.
ROFLMAO! Thanks for clearing that up!
What is it with guys and tools, anyway?
Of all the gifts I've ever given PapaTexan, the only one he really showed any excitement about was a set of air-tools!!
I've always found a blow torch will melt just about anything...
Something that just may work at truly melting her heart: (Male point of view)
Sneak into the shower behind her, and massage her shoulders and back under the spray.
If she protests, continue anyway.
Smile as the protesting tone gets weaker and her shoulders relax.
Get slapped after the shower because she missed an appointment.
Heart like a wax cylinder, er, wheel? LOL
#12 is my favorite!
I'll be copying this and sending to new guy!
Thanks for the ping!
;-)
Some of that list really cracked me up. Although some of it also sounded sorta nice....
Hey!
I have dibs on Pissant - when Mrs. Pissant dumps him!
;-)
Nope - I'll mud wrestle you for him!
Dam!! That's a lot of work! Can't we just have a beer and watch wrestling???
Valerie's list
1. Fix her car!!! (even is it is an old Ford and you don't like Fords)
Yep. According to post 114, there's a match just coming up...
Yep. According to post 114, there's a match just coming up...
Yep. According to post 114, there's a match just coming up...
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