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FREEPER FAMILY TABLE--The Challenged Family
me | March 11, 2005 | grellis

Posted on 03/11/2005 6:33:19 AM PST by grellis

We all face challenges of one kind or another but today we'll specifically discuss family members with physical or developmental challenges: Autism, Down's Syndrome, Asperger's, Alzheimer's, et al. We have wildly differring opinions on more controversial diagnoses--specifically ADD/ADHD. I'm requesting in advance that we all be nice. Please post links to support groups or informational webpages if you have any. Share with us your ups, your downs, how your "normal" (for lack of a better word) children interact with your challenged child, or anything else you'd like to discuss.

Coffee's on!


TOPICS: Chit/Chat
KEYWORDS: dads; families; grandmas; grandpas; kids; moms
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To: LiveFreeOrDie2001

ping


21 posted on 03/11/2005 7:43:12 AM PST by sarasota
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To: sarasota
Funny, how reading your post, made me cry. Not having friends hurts son so much, but his sisters love him, so its not like he's alone.
 
I am very protective of him, as to who he hangs out with, but not so much to make his feel "special" He is an avid golfer, the only sport he can play, he cant play on a "team", and golf is just him against the little white ball. Tryouts for the team are on Monday, and he made the team last year, but I worry anyway.
 
Son sees only black and white in his world, its good or bad, right or wrong, and there is no in between. It can make me crazy, but I would not change him for a billion dollars
 
 I know it sounds strange, but she needs a script--and once she has it, she knows what to say.
 
Not in the least bit strange... I understand that statement completely

22 posted on 03/11/2005 7:57:16 AM PST by backinthefold (Recently, Fat Cat has become a source of static electricity, it is quite shocking)
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To: backinthefold
Black and white, right or wrong...so true. No grays. So unlike the rest of the world in so many ways yet I find so much honesty and truth there. Difficult to put into words, but it has something to do with seeing the world through a very defined lens.

It's fortunate for your son that he's taken up golf, a "solo" sport. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to participate in team sports as far as I'm concerned, especially with the lack of social skills. And there's nothing wrong with being a loner, either, unless he gets depressed. That's the only thing I fear for my daughter but when I ask her what her primary emotion is most of the time and she says "happy", I have to assume that she's come to terms with her life's limitations.

I'm blessed to have found a travel camp for special needs young adults which is available through www.frontiertravelcamp.com. My daughter went last year for a week in Vancouver and is signed up for three weeks in the southeast this July. She has several on-line friends from that one week and I hope it develops into more friendships this year.
23 posted on 03/11/2005 8:11:58 AM PST by sarasota
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To: All
Life's never dull in our house...

My husband is a Navy aircraft mechanic. We have two sons, Robbie who is 5 and JJ who is 8. JJ was diagnosed high functioning autistic at age 4. It's not always been easy but JJ's had great teachers along the way and he's progressing. It's to the point now that he is starting to slowly be mainstreamed into a first grade class. His school also has an adaptive aquatic program where they spend a hour every Fri in the local Y's pool. JJ LOVES that. He also loves bowling, as does Robbie.

Robbie has some language delays that the school is concerned with and he'll soon be undergoing a language evaluation. It could be just due to the fact that I didn't have the kids in any type of preschool setting before starting in public school and Robbie JUST turned 5 the week before school started...

Like I said, never a dull moment. *L* Especially here in Topsham, ME where the snow NEVER SEEMS TO END...we just got 8 in of snow last week and looking forward to 4-8in more this weekend...

Yeah, you could say we're ready for spring...

24 posted on 03/11/2005 8:31:39 AM PST by Severa (I can't take this stress anymore...quick, get me a marker to sniff....)
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To: sarasota
 Black and white, right or wrong...so true. No grays. So unlike the rest of the world in so many ways yet I find so much honesty and truth there. Difficult to put into words, but it has something to do with seeing the world through a very defined lens.
 
An we get the chance to see the world through that lens, don't we. I find it a blessing, and I have learned so much when I see the world like he does.
 
Son is still to young for that camp, but I gave my info to get the catalog, thanks for the info. Where in TN is the trip going? I work in Chattanooga, and can suggest what to see and do when in the area...

25 posted on 03/11/2005 9:19:07 AM PST by backinthefold (Recently, Fat Cat has become a source of static electricity, it is quite shocking)
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To: backinthefold

They're going to Nashville and Dollywood. I don't know the geography--are they near Chattanooga?


26 posted on 03/11/2005 9:53:41 AM PST by sarasota
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To: All

Hi everyone!

Found some time between tax returns to read the thread.

My daughter has a brachial plexus injury from birth and has limited use of her left arm. She may get better but if she doesn't she will have a surgery before the age of one.
I am really terrified about that. Hopefully she will heal on her own..we will know in 2 months whether or not she is recovering. The recovery time period is 6 months.


27 posted on 03/11/2005 10:31:39 AM PST by DUDLEY
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To: DUDLEY; backinthefold; sarasota
The prospect of your daughter having surgery is terrifying, no doubt, but it is much better that the surgery is done at an early age. I have hip displaysia which went undiagnosed until age three; by that time my bones had hardened. From three years until I was nearly nine I wore leg braces.

Children are cruel. Whether they are cruel out of being frightened by someone who is a little different or because they just don't know any better, no matter what the reason, children are cruel. I never let my parents know just how much I hated going to school because of the other kids incessantly picking on me. I told them recently--30 years after the fact--and they were shocked. My mom simply doesn't believe it--she thinks I'm just remembering one or two instances.

My oldest son Josh is different in his own way. He was reading at age three, reading at a third grade level by kindergarten. He loves fantasy, Star Wars and LOTR in particular. His school mates are all about Rugrats and YuGiOh, he's all about Tolkien. Last year was especially difficult for him. I would ask him almost every day who he ate lunch with, who he played with at recess, as casually as I could...one day he just burst into tears and said "None of the other kids will play with me. I don't have any friends at all." I have never been so heartbroken, ever. I had a long talk with his teacher who hadn't realized this was going on. She was very good about getting him involved in group activities during the schoolday (he's so far ahead of the kids in his class that he often studies alone). I also had a long talk with Josh, explaining to him that a lot of the other kids just aren't that interested in the kinds of things he likes. I encouraged him to try sharing their interests, not to try so hard making them share his. There was some improvement. This year has been much better--he has a best friend as well as a fairly usual gang of kids he plays with. I wish my mom, God bless her, had somehow intervened when I was young. Kids who are being picked on, bullied, and harassed just do not talk about it.

Am I the voice of doom or what??? Criminey!

28 posted on 03/11/2005 10:59:00 AM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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To: grellis

You're so fortunate that your son was able to talk about his issues at school. I check regularly with my daughter's teachers to see if they noticed any bullying or ridiculing and was told "no". But I found it (and still do) difficult to believe. She ate by herself at lunch and I told her I could pick her up and take her home for lunch with me but she hung in there and just spend the lunchtime as a spectator. The story of her life, really. Now she's becoming a participant and has begun to inquire about other people and their likes. This is a breakthrough for her.


29 posted on 03/11/2005 11:12:31 AM PST by sarasota
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To: sarasota
Now she's becoming a participant and has begun to inquire about other people and their likes.

That's great--that's what really turned things around for Josh. When it comes to studying anything, he's a sponge--geography, science, history, politics (at 7 he's ten times as smart as I am at 35)--he wants to know it all five minutes ago. I helped him realize that he can apply that same thirst for knowledge to real live kids!. He's much happier now than he was last year.

30 posted on 03/11/2005 12:51:01 PM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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To: backinthefold; sarasota; grellis; All

My nephew is autistic, he is 6 now and just started KG. We don't know if he will be able to stay in "regular" school, but so far so good. Academically, he is doing wonderfully. Socially not so good.

We still deal with fits if something freaks him out. Like a few weeks ago when I was visiting and we were at the mall, a woman with a fur coat walked by, and he was brushed in the face with fur. The feel of the fur freaked him out, and he had a fit in the mall. Everyone was staring, and when my sis tried to help calm him down, she had a woman come up to her and ask "Why can't you control your child? How spoiled is he?". We often deal with rude comments from strangers. Sometimes I think there is little compasion left in the world, too many people want to judge and condemn right away...


31 posted on 03/11/2005 1:21:22 PM PST by kiki04 ("If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is a man who has so much as to be out of danger?" - THH)
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To: Severa
Yeah, you could say we're ready for spring...

I would imagine you are.

32 posted on 03/11/2005 2:02:39 PM PST by Gabz (Wanna join my tag team?)
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To: kiki04
We often deal with rude comments from strangers.

I'm thinking its time we have another "Death of Good Manners" thread...that first one was sooooooo good. Being out of work the last two years has made me forget just how outlandishly rude people are--vile. I am in near constant amazement when I'm at work. People will say anything, yet somehow manage to think nothing.

What can we say, except "Bless their hearts," wink wink.

In thinking about it...even if your nephew wasn't autistic--even if he was just some spoiled kid--RUDE WOMAN! Graceless and classless. Bet she voted for Kerry.

33 posted on 03/11/2005 2:09:48 PM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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To: grellis
Kids who are being picked on, bullied, and harassed just do not talk about it.

You are 1000000000% correct. Instead of talking about it - they act up. I remember that with my brother who is 2 years younger than I am. Unfortunately much of the picking on him came from one of his teachers. He was in 4th grade and I was in 6th - the teacher never liked me because I was the smart kid in the class and took it out on my brother 2 years later.

I was the only one that saw it happening.

I was forever being called out of class to the principal's office about my brother. I was finally able to enlist my own teacher in understanding the problem and she appeared in the principal's office with me when I insisted something had to be done to stop me being harrassed by this particular teacher. It was not a pleasant session for the 4th grade teacher in the principal's office with me, my 6th grade teacher, my parents and my brother...........but the witch left him alone after that and he made the honor roll, much to her chagrin.

34 posted on 03/11/2005 2:13:00 PM PST by Gabz (Wanna join my tag team?)
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To: kiki04
We often deal with rude comments from strangers. Sometimes I think there is little compasion left in the world, too many people want to judge and condemn right away...

That is so horrible. I am the first one to be annoyed with spoiled rotten kids having fits in public places, but and that is a large BUT, there is a major difference between a kid having a fit because he/she is spoiled, and one who does have a problem.........I learned that quickly by watching how the parent/guardian reacts to the fit/tantrum.

The person trying to cope with a child with a problem is going to get empathy from me, and if possible I will stop and offer a hand, such as holding packages or whatever.......the one allowing a child to have a tantrum because it's easier to ignore will be ignored by me.

35 posted on 03/11/2005 2:19:57 PM PST by Gabz (Wanna join my tag team?)
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To: grellis

Another Death of Good Manners thread is probably a really good idea.............I have been on a tear about that recently. And not just when children are involved.


36 posted on 03/11/2005 2:21:44 PM PST by Gabz (Wanna join my tag team?)
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To: grellis

I have 3 kids. My 10 year old has a chronic tic disorder, but we basically ignore it. From what I've read, the side-effects of the medication are pretty nasty, so we just let him tic. He jerks his head when he is really nervous, and he also has lots of eye tics. He doesn't seem to have any other issues that can be combined with a tic disoder, and he is a happy, smart, nice 10 year old.

My 8 year old twin daughters have been are real challenges. Both of them almost died of a respiratory virus when they were 6 weeks old. One of them has asthma as a result, and the other has brain damage.

My daughter with asthma was a challenge when she was little. In the winter, she was on a breathing machine 3 or more times a day every day. In the past few years, it has gotten so much better. She doesn't get sick a lot, and now she just uses an inhaler when she has a cold.

My daughter with brain damage is constantly challenging. She's actually done well. She has a lot of damage, and the doctors are surprised that she is not in a wheel chair. She looks normal, but she has speech problems. At least now, she can talk. She didn't start talking until about 5 1/2. Let me tell you, terrible two is nothing compared to a smart 4 year old that cannot talk. She also has had some sensory problems that really used to be a pain. She hated taking baths, brushing her hair, or brushing her teeth, and she would have terrible tantrums whenever she had to do those things.

She has outgrown so much of the tantrums, but she still tends hit and kick her brother and sister tooooo much. She'll get frustrated, and start pounding on them. Of course, they egg her on because they know she'll lose control. It's charming sibling rivalry.

Jen's done really well at school, and she doesn't have any behavior problems (besides being quiet) at school. She's also done well academically.

I'm still wondering how brain damage and puberty are going to be like. Jenny doesn't think much, and I could see her getting pregnant. Jenny's also a thrill seeker. She already wants to go sky diving. She loves roller coasters.

I figure that if you have several kids, usually something is wrong with at least one of them. Jenny is the hardest worker of all 3 of my kids. Jeremy (just tics) is the least hardest worker. I personally think Jenny could go further in life than Jeremy. She has drive and nothing stops her.


37 posted on 03/11/2005 2:24:01 PM PST by luckystarmom
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To: Gabz
It has been interesting, in a train wreck kind of way, to be once again out there in "polite society." Unbelievable. I wish I could say that it is just the occasional patron but...

We definitely need to just do a whole thread. That last one was over two hundred comments by Friday evening.

38 posted on 03/11/2005 2:27:53 PM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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To: grellis

That was an infinitive, young lady


39 posted on 03/11/2005 2:28:46 PM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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To: luckystarmom
Of course, they egg her on because they know she'll lose control. It's charming sibling rivalry.

You get sainthood for saying things like that!!!

40 posted on 03/11/2005 2:31:42 PM PST by grellis (Neil Diamond ROCKS!!!)
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