There was a much-married woman who walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Well," replied the clerk, "exactly what type of dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said,"A long white dress with a veil."
The clerk didn't know what to say but finally said,"Frankly madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for first time marriages.
"Well !" replied the customer, " I can assure you I am as innocent as the rest of them, despite all my marriages I remain innocent as any first time bride."
You see, my first husband got so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our hotel. The second husband and I got into a terrible fight in the limo on our way to the reception and we got our marriage annulled and have never spoken again.
"What about your third husband?" asked the clerk.
"Well" said the woman, "he was a democratic politician and every night for four years he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."
Ten Things That Would Be Different If The 12 Apostles Had Been Gay
10. The Last Supper would have been brunch.
09. The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they....."
08. Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production number with lots of ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell, instead of just a donkey and some palm leaves.
07. The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been changed to wine, but to extra dry Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch of Curacao for color.
06. The temple would not only have been cleansed of money changers, but redecorated as well.
05. Mary's hair would have been flawless.
04. The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Lance and Bruce.
03. Priests would have torrid affairs with altar boys......wait. Never mind.
02. Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day.
01.The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical.