Posted on 03/04/2005 9:02:18 AM PST by TheBigB
Woo Hoo! TGIF! Time for some FRIDAAAAAAY SILLINESS!! :^) Let loose and blow off some steam...post silly pics, jokes, nonsensical statements, or even IGNORE THIS THREAD!
"Silliness, sweeeet!"
An actual book about pet care. I swear!
It's not Christmas, but still...
Fierce Allegiance says he never listened to that Debbie Gibson tape in his truck. I don't believe him. :^)
You got that right, see 216. :')
maybe I am the blonde one!!! Mean see 220!
This thread is hilarious today!
Happy Friday, everyone.
There was a much-married woman who walked into a bridal shop one day and told the sales clerk that she was looking for a wedding gown for her fourth wedding.
"Well," replied the clerk, "exactly what type of dress are you looking for?"
The bride to be said,"A long white dress with a veil."
The clerk didn't know what to say but finally said,"Frankly madam, gowns of that nature are considered more appropriate for first time marriages.
"Well !" replied the customer, " I can assure you I am as innocent as the rest of them, despite all my marriages I remain innocent as any first time bride."
You see, my first husband got so excited about our wedding he died as we were checking into our hotel. The second husband and I got into a terrible fight in the limo on our way to the reception and we got our marriage annulled and have never spoken again.
"What about your third husband?" asked the clerk.
"Well" said the woman, "he was a democratic politician and every night for four years he just sat on the edge of the bed and told me how good it was going to be."
That brings out such patriotic stirrings in my.....HMMMMM! I've never had patriotic stirrings *there* before!
OH NO!!!! Abort! Abort! PULL OUT!
DO NOT USE THAT ONE!!!!!
Think of the inference! Use that one and you are toast.
I thought this stuff was supposed to be funny! Your picture made me sad. Time to go do more laundry.
This is my very post EVER! Love this site so I'm excited! Can't resist giving ya'll a blonde joke :)
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've
never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is
Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, and knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says, "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says..."Hi, my name is Bud, it's winter in Upstate New York and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK."
Dang, I forgot to ping ya.
I have been thinking of ArGe's dilmma about telling his wife why a woman is better than a bottle of wine.
Again, going back to my love of mathematics on earlier replies....
No matter what I say, my wife thinks I am wrong. That means I am 100% wrong. So I decided to improve my odds.
Now I always answer, "You are right!". She only says I am wrong about 1/2 the time now.
I am so pleased with my credibility improvement and the sanity now in the llevrok abode.
Ten Things That Would Be Different If The 12 Apostles Had Been Gay
10. The Last Supper would have been brunch.
09. The Beatitudes would start, "Fabulous are they....."
08. Jesus' triumphant entry into Jerusalem screams for a production number with lots of ostrich feather palm fronds and a large oyster shell, instead of just a donkey and some palm leaves.
07. The water at the wedding feast of Canaan would not have been changed to wine, but to extra dry Bombay Sapphire martinis with a touch of Curacao for color.
06. The temple would not only have been cleansed of money changers, but redecorated as well.
05. Mary's hair would have been flawless.
04. The Gospels would be Matthew, Mark, Lance and Bruce.
03. Priests would have torrid affairs with altar boys......wait. Never mind.
02. Jesus would never wear white after Labor Day.
01.The Sermon on the Mount would have been a musical.
Welcome to FR! I see you started out right on the Friday thread.
LOL, should have known that I would do something like that!
A blonde finds herself in serious trouble. Her business has gone bust and she's in dire financial straits. She's so desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins to pray, "God, please help me. I've lost my business and if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as well. Please let me win the lotto." Lotto night comes, and somebody else wins it. She again prays.. "God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business, my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night comes and she still has no luck. Once again, she prays... "My God, why have You forsaken me? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children are starving. I don't often ask You for help, and I have always been a good servant to You. PLEASE let me win the lotto just this one time so I can get my life back in order." Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open. The blonde is overwhelmed by the Voice of God Himself... "Sweetheart, work with Me on this... Buy a ticket!"
LMAO, Welcome to FR!
Oh, those buttons! So much mystery!!
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium or a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"
Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"
After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"
The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened, the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"
The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?"
Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
" GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
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