[JesseJane]

. A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver and informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where does he think he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he just doesn't know what to do anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from there and that's where you should be taking them. That will take care of your problem." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.

The next day the officer again sees the pick-up truck once again speeding down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are standing there with sunglasses. The officer pulls over the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take them to the zoo!" "I did that," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"

[Lazamataz]

So a duck goes into a bar, and orders a drink on credit. The bartender refuses, saying, "What about the money you already owe me?" The duck responds, "Put it on my bill."

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So a duck goes into a bar, and says to the Irish bartender, "Do you have any bread?"

The bartender says, "No duck, sure'n I don't have a crumb for ye."

So the next day, the duck goes back into the bar, and says, "How about today? Do you have any bread for me today?"

The bartender says, "No duck! I don'a have ne bread for ye!"

So the next day, the duck goes back into the bar, and says, "Now come on. I know you HAVE to have some bread for me TODAY!"

The bartender says, "NO, DUCK! I DON'A HAVE NE BREAD, and if you ask me ag'in, I'll nail ya to the wall!" Then the bartender holds up a hammer menacingly.

The next day, the duck waddles into the bar. The bartender glowers at him. The duck pipes up, "Hey barkeep. Do you have any nails?"

The bartender looks perplexed, and says, "No, duck."

The duck responds, "Good. Got any bread?"