A Liberal Way To Deal With Enemy Combatants

[skimask]

Dear Concerned Citizen:

Thank you for your recent letter criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Qaeda detainees currently held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. The administration takes these matters seriously. Your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington .You will be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like you, we are creating the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short. In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care.

Your detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation to your residence as soon as possible. Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of admonishment. We will be conducting weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described, as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome this character flaw. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as merely “cultural differences.”

I should warn you that your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless you feel that this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife, daughters, or any other females who might visit or live at your residence. He views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him. He has shown violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the dress code that he considers appropriate and mandatory. I am sure that over time, your wife and daughters will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka. Just remind them that it is all part of respecting his culture and religious beliefs, as I am sure he will afford you the same courtesy.

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you inform us of the proper way to do our job. Take good care of Ahmed and good luck!

[Supernatural]

Wow, just think if reality would set in on the other side...but we all know that is wishful thinking.

[EagleUSA]

Liberals? Reality?...apples,oranges... :-)

[ViLaLuz]

They are not "terrorists." Just misunderstood insurgents...

[Jackson57]

Misunderstood "freedom fighters" ...

[foreverfree]

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