Posted on 02/18/2005 10:27:37 AM PST by Fierce Allegiance
LOL! I like that one a lot. :-)
Great!!!. Males are males no matter the species.. can a person die from laughing too much???? This is a wonderful thread.
The Eagles have won a Grammy
Ba da bump ...
(with apologies)
What's the definition of "endless love"?
Ray Charles and Stevie Wonder playing tennis...
Ewwwww, I looked....Ewwwww
Post # 180....now, he's purty. Look at those well developed arms. Couldn't you just imagine.......
What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?
Mick Jagger says "Hey, you, get offa my cloud"
The scotsman says" Hey, McCloud, get offa my ewe"
Got to love this country.
Classic!
PHONE: RING RING.....
"Hello?"
"Hi, honey, this is daddy," ... "Is your mommy near the phone?"
"No, daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Frank."
After a brief pause, daddy says, "But you haven't got an Uncle Frank, honey!"
"Oh yes I do, and he's upstairs in the bedroom with mommy, right now!"
"Uh, Okay, then...here's what I want you to do. Put down the phone, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to mommy and Uncle Frank that daddy's car just pulled up outside the house."
"Okay, daddy!"
A few minutes later, the little girl comes back to the phone. "Well, I did what you said, daddy."
"And what happened?" he asks.
"Well, mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming, then she tripped over the rug and went flying out the front window and now she's all dead."
"Oh my God!!! And what about your Uncle Frank?"
"He jumped out of bed with no clothes on too and he was all scared and he jumped out the back window into the swimming pool... but he must have forgot that last week you took out all the water to clean it, so he hit the bottom of the swimming pool and now he's all real dead too."
***long pause***
Then daddy says, "Swimming pool??? Is this 328-9874?"
Grosssssss
"Go get your Mother."
LOL! My dad will love that one.
Oh my Lord. Goodness. Wrong number.
Um...that's show up naked, bring beer.
www.userfriendly.org/
if you're unashamed to be called a geek you'll love it, if you fight any signs of inner geekiness you won't care for User Friendly
Grandmother's Song by Steve Martin
Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.
Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbours,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.
Be pompus, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don't know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.
Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Get all excited and go to a yawning festival.
Be courteous, kind and forgiving,
Be gentle and peaceful each day,
Be warm and human and grateful,
And have a good thing to say.
Be thoughtful and trustful and childlike,
Be witty and happy and wise,
Be honest and love all your neighbours,
Be obsequious, purple, and clairvoyant.
Be pompus, obese, and eat cactus,
Be dull, and boring, and omnipresent,
Criticize things you don't know about,
Be oblong and have your knees removed.
Be tasteless, rude, and offensive,
Live in a swamp and be three dimensional,
Put a live chicken in your underwear,
Go into a closet and suck eggs.
I think you're close on this one. I believe it was the Dating Game. The host (Bob?) asked the question you posed,
Bob Ubanks and The Newlywed Game.
Everyone check out this little Flash-based game. You use your mouse (or trackball, in my case) to guide a little dot around a maze, and you have to be careful not to touch the sides, kind of like the old kids' game 'OPERATION!'. It seems kinda simplistic at first, but gets interesting around the 3rd level.
http://terminal-insanity.com/z1g/steadyhand.swf
So a guy is selling door to door.
The door opens and a little boy is there. "Is your Mommy home, son?" asks the guy.
"No. I'm sorry. She's in prison for prostitution.", says the kid
A little surprised, "How about your dad? Is he home?", asks the guy
"Oh he's dead. He got shot in a bank robbery attempt".
(even more surprised) "Well do you have any brothers and sisters I could talk with?"
"Well I have a brother and sister. My sister is in a de-tox hospital and my brother is at Harvard".
(hmmmm..thinking to himself. Mom is a hooker, dad is a dead bank robber and sister is an addict but brother is at Harvard). "Son, now knowing what you've told me about your family, how'd your brother get to Harvard?"
"In a jar", says the boy.
Well, as the Doctor said in "Master and Commander: The Far Side of The World," "He who would pun would pick a pocket."
Shalom.
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