God Bless you.
I don't have gay tendencies but I can relate. I used to be submissive and had been since I was a little kid. My parents divorced (no regular father-figure in my life) and my mom is very liberal. I was raised to be a post-feminist nice, effete "man" and I grew up with a sense of inferiority to other guys. Basically the old "nice guy vs. bad boy" dynamic.
But as a I got older I was able to start raising myself, basically. I got hooked on snowboarding and move to the mountain to ride every day. It may not be football, but I ended out in the hospital many times trying new tricks. I taught myself to be tough. I wasn't the best athelete but I learned to love competing with other guys athletically. If someone beat me then I'd work twice and hard until I was better.
Eventually that rubbed off on my personal life. I felt like meeting women was a lot like sports. You compete with the other guys and the woman will choose a man who rises above the pack. I may not have always been that man but I learned to love the process of competing in that arena, whereas before I was terrified.
And at that point my old weakness just melted away. The submissiveness just doesn't work for me anymore.
That's my take on the gay thing. I have never met a gay man that I would consider to be an "alpha male". That doesn't mean people that have tendencies in that direction are any less intelligent or athletic (heck, look at all the gay dancers, I'm sure they are people that can turn the double play or go up and make the catch over the middle), but they have completely opted out of the game of competition among men. They just don't have the stomach for it.
You don't have to be the best (I'm not!), but you have to be willing to take your lumps and get back in the game and compete again.
as a footnote, my wife is a Christian and she led me to the Lord. But I don't think the transformation started with God. In the same way that people say "It takes a bigger man to walk away from a fight", it was only when I was genuinely able to get out there and get in the fight that I was able to walk away from it, put my trust in Jesus, and turn the other cheek.
Jib, that was one of the most interesting posts I've ever read. I'm sure that what you said about your own experience is the case for many others, and I bet that the same scenario is true of women, except with the genders switched. Thank you for this enlightenment! I'm glad you found your wife and that through her influence the Lord found YOU.