Woman finds penis in tomato sauce bottle

AFP | 2.13.05

[ambrose]

Woman finds penis in tomato sauce bottle

February 13 2005 at 05:50PM

Stockholm - A Swedish woman said on Sunday that she had found a penis in a bottle of ketchup.

Viktoria Ed said she was lucky enough to discover the organ before putting the sauce on her bread rolls, unlike her husband Stefan and their children, Madeleine and Simon.

"It looked like a penis, of an adult if it's human, and medium sized," she said.

"It's disgusting. The top of the bottle was intact, as if it had just left the factory. We would like to know how this thing ended up in a ketchup bottle."

The Godegaarden brand ketchup was made in Turkey and distributed in Sweden by the company Axfood. The shop where the ketchup was bought on Friday has thrown out the rest of its stock.

"I will never buy this brand again, it's finished," vowed Ed.

Police have taken the object for analysis. - Sapa-AFP

[Conservatrix]

That was good.

[mikrofon]

Viktoria Ed said she was lucky enough to discover the organ before
putting the sauce on her bread rolls .... "It looked like a penis, of an
adult if it's human, and medium sized"
An observation based on her husband's....

[dfwgator]

King Missile - Detachable Penis

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again.
This happens all the time.
It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.
I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,
or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.
But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,
and the next morning I can't for the life of me
remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.
So I called up the place where the party was,
they hadn't seen it either.
I asked them to check the medicine cabinet
'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes
But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.
I called a few people who were at the party,
but they were no help either.
I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man,
and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
After a few hours of searching the house,
and calling everyone I could think of,
I was starting to get very depressed,
so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,
where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,
I saw my penis lying on a blanket
next to a broken toaster oven.
Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.
He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.
I took it home, washed it off,
and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,
but I don't know.
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,
I like having a detachable penis.

[Welsh Rabbit]

"I will never buy this brand again, it's finished," vowed Ed."

Really?

What a ninny; one horribly traumatic and disgusting experience with a product and she gives up on it forever. Sheesh... /sarcasm

[Welsh Rabbit]

According to Occam's Razor, this story is a cry for attention and fraudulent.

It does seem odd. It would require that someone at the bottling plant castrated themselves or someone else, possibly murdering them, which isn't going to happen quietly.

[cripplecreek]

[Osage Orange]

I guess that would indeed be cocktail sauce.

Undoubtedly...........

[doug from upland]

Axfood? The poor guy who lost it should have been suspicious of the name when he applied for a job there.

[Doohickey]

How did she know it was "medium" sized?

[Doohickey]

Guess she missed the "free penis in every bottle" label...

[doug from upland]

I found this in a Turkish newspaper -----

kayýp penis , mutlu etmek yardým etmek I was çalýþma vasýl belgili tanýmlýk imalâthane yapým Godegaarden salça. ne zaman I got uzakta benim deðiþme I duyuru adl. þu benim kadýn külotu were tüm kan ve benim özel alan was acýtmak. I bakmak ve benim penis was gone. eðer sen -si olmak kurmak a penis içinde senin salça I -ecek vermek a büyük ödül vermek için onun dönmek. teþekkür Ivan.

[doug from upland]

I found the translation for No. 51 ---

Lost Penis, Please Help

I was working at the factory making Godegaarden tomato sauce. When I got off my shift I noticed that my pants were all bloody and my private area was hurting. I looked and my penis was gone. If you have found a penis in your tomato sauce, I will pay a big reward. Thanks, Ivan.

[Dog Gone]

Generally, most workers at a ketchup factory will alert a supervisor if their penis is accidentally cut off and falls into the sauce.

Did the supervisor tell the worker to shrug it off?

[Dashing Dasher]

Ping!?

[TheGrimReaper]

Have the whereabouts of Lorena Bobbit been accounted for?

[Happygal]

Hahahaha!!!

Did she find it before or after she hit the sauce bottle repeatedly with the palm of her hand? *LOL*

[doug from upland]

Sorry, but someone had to do this ---

MIDI - VENUS

Oh, penis...what is going on

Penis what is this
How can this poor guy go and take a p***
What he needs to do that is very far
I found it right here in my jar

Penis, I'm surprised
A medium is here before my eyes
I wonder why this thing is very tan
I think that I'll be changing brands

Penis, you're in my tomato sauce
Without it and its spices
Spaghetti would be quite lost

Penis, what to do
The owner probably is missing you
His wife is wondering why there's no sex
Perhaps I'll send it back FedEx

Penis, bye...oh penis...I'll be missing you

Oh penis...oh penis...oh penis

[ambrose]

you got message #57

[doug from upland]

At first I couldn't figure it out. Heinz 57.

[boris]

I suppose now there are 58 varieties...