~ Benny Hill
What I'm about to say to you,
But I'm gonna tell you about the women in my life.
Now I know some gals who are real refined,
But I always seem to get the other kind,
And maybe that's why I've never found a wife.
She was five foot two and eyes of blue,
And, well she told me that her name was Lotty,
But I think she was funny in the head
'Cause she used to sleep underneath the bed,
Her parents thought she was a little potty.
So I went around with her for a while,
And I kind of thought of her as my bride to be,
I said, "You're the one girl in my life
And I'd like to have you for my wife,"
She said, "Now what would your wife do with me?"
Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women,
Those wild, wild women around.
Beware of wild women, those wild, wild women,
And never ever let 'em get you down.
She was just getting out of her Rolls Royce car,
And she was all covered in diamonds and mink.
Now I kind of liked a gal with money,
And this one, well, she was a real honey,
So I said, "Maybe one day you and I could have a little drink."
She stuck a phone number in my hand,
She said, "Now phone me up next time that you're in town."
I said, "Is this your penthouse," she said, "No,
It's the fish and chip shop down below,
But you just phone me up and they'll call me down."
And there was a chap stood about five feet away,
And we was both admiring a girl about twenty-one,
I said, "You just can't help but stare
At that cute little chick with the long blonde hair,"
He said, "That chick just happens to be my son."
You must let me make a mend,
I mean at least let me buy you another rum.
I said, "You must think me an awful cad,
I didn't know you was his dad."
He said, "I'm not, you twit, I'm his mum."
