Time for both of you to stop what you are doing and recommit to this marriage. 1. Get involved in your religious community and start talking to your religious leader. In my community, our rabbis are our counselors for most issues. 2. Seek out a good marriage counselor and plan to do the daily work required to re-establish your commitment and your trust in your marriage. 3. Get yourself a palm pilot or a daily planner and start writing down what you need to remember to do each day. Don't give up on yourself or your family.
"That's number one. Your wife is setting the stage by talking about divorce all the time-- it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Second, all that stuff about not taking out the trash or remembering things is totally passive aggressive-- it's you trying to demonstrate that you aren't capable of this marriage."
I'm in agreement with Cinnamon Girl. And that's all I have to say about that. Far be it from me to claim expertise as some kind of counselor.
For some people that is true. But I know many people who really just can't remember stuff like that. It's not ADD either. They are just not wired as a Martha who cares about details like that. In this case the wife might need to accept this side of her husband and just get beyond it.