Have I ever been in charge of my life? When my answer was yes, then I have to look at where being in charge got me. (15 years of heavy drinking) If no, that was probably the times I was drunk. That's certainly not being in charge.
I always have thought that we were given free will to do what we wish with our lives and that we have responsibility for our actions.
True. We are given choices. What had I chosen for 15 years? I chose to drink. God didn't make me drink - I did that all on my own. God's will is that I, as an alcoholic, stay sober. Until I realized that I could not understand that I was surrendering to the idea that God didn't want me to drink. I wanted to!
Now I know that surrendering to God's will is accepting his choice that I don't drink.
That is the core of my personal philosophy and my Conservative polical viewpoint comes straight from this philosphy.
Once again, I had to look where my personal philosophy got me. Where did yours get you?
Surrender is not capitulation. It is accepting God's will (that you not drink and screw up your life every day) for you. It is a concept that I never thought of before AA. It took me awhile to realize this. It doesn't come overnight.
I can agree with this definition, as I stated before I believe that our spirit is a gift from God, and that we can either choose to build it up or tear it down.
The surrender that they talk about at AA in my area sounds more like giving up responsibility to God for our sobriety as something that is "out of our control". I reject that notion because I am in total control of whether I choose to poison myself, it is I who pours the drink and swallows it. God gives me that choice to make.
If surrender means to accept that God desires us to build ourselves up rather than destroy ourselves, then I can accept that definition. I have agreed with Him on this point and do not plan to ever drink again.
I know that if I allow myself to be in charge of moderating or controlling this substance, I will likely fail and it is not worth it. So I choose to remove all choice from myself, I am a non-drinker. I ask God to help me in carrying this out.
Another way that I look at it is that my license to drink alcohol has been revoked permanently due to reckless "driving". It was my own fault that I lost the privilege, not someone else.
I always thought I could stop drinking whenever I wanted to, but I liked the slight burning of my tongue with the first sip, the cool feeling of it going down my throat, the smell and the taste, that's why I didn't want to quit, so I told myself.
Finally fed up with struggling by myself to quit and worried my kids would have to be pulling me out of a bar when I was eighty, I admitted to God I could not do this by myself and begged him to help me, HE DID!
Since I stopped almost 4 years ago, I've tried drinking twice and surprise, surprise, I can stand none of those things now.