Replies

Sorry about so much new information in one day, but I've got to leave town for the rest of the week and I didn't want to leave my thoughts on AA unfinished till next weekend. So this will bring us up to date.

Chapter 3. What’s God got to do with it?

As I stated previously, the AA program is built upon the concept of a Power greater than ourselves (our “Higher Power”) who we surrender to in order to solve our problem. I have always believed in a Creator and a higher power is not a problem for me, per se. But many people come to AA with no belief structure at all and they are encouraged to find their higher power where it can be found. Many use the “AA group” as the power in the beginning, after all it is a group who have been down the path before and have confronted and “solved” the addiction problem.

My problem was not in identifying the Higher Power, but with the concept of “surrender”. The big question in my mind this past year was: am "I" in charge of me, or must "I" give up control? I always have thought that we were given free will to do what we wish with our lives and that we have responsibility for our actions. That is the core of my personal philosophy and my Conservative polical viewpoint comes straight from this philosphy.

But we were given much more than free will. We were given our wonderful mind which can think and reason. It is truly an amazing creation, and it is quite unfortunate that we are not given an Operators Manual about how to use it most effectively.

But even more amazingly we were given a spirit or soul which can dream and plan and which is not “physical”. I think that this is the core thing about human beings—our bodies are chemicals assembled together, our minds are complex physical processing/storage facilities, but our “spirit” is what makes us who we are. Our spirit is a collection of information, experience, beliefs-- it is a pure information "state". And it is a gift.

We either challenge our spirit to do greater things, or we lose hope and allow it to wither and die. I could not and still do not understand the concept of “surrender” that they are talking about.

I listened and I did not attempt to hijack the program, but instead I chose to take from it the good that I got from it.

In early March, I wrote in my journal:
“don’t try to change AA to fit my world view- not everyone is the same as me and AA may be the only hope for people in different circumstances. Don’t destroy that for others, I have no program to offer them in its place.”

But I do not pretend that I have gotten to where I am today alone. I have already said that I was helped by other people in the AA group. I was also helped by many alcoholics before that chose to write about and find solutions for this character defect. I also have received help from God in many ways:

1. I asked God to help me in coming closer to him, and to understanding his purpose for us.

2. I periodically count my blessings- I make a list of those things that I was born with or that have come into my life through nothing I did to deserve them- my life, my liberty, my country, my health, my wife, my intelligence, my parents, my children… the list can be quite long when you start thinking about it. All of these things were given to me and could have been withheld.

3. I ask him to keep me safe from those forces that would harm me, not only as it relates to drinking but that is a big one.

I do not want to sound too cocky in all of this and I fear that it may sound that way. It may even be true-- it is a difficult thing to see in oneself, especially for someone with a big ego like me. I just really believe that we were given the tools to deal with our problems. And the main tool that we are given is our ability to make decisions (spirit) and take action (mind and body). God is helping me by giving me the tools, and helping me to dream the big goals, and He is keeping the adversaries at bay.

I continue to go to AA meetings at least a couple of times a month but not to keep me from drinking in the short term, but to increase my commitment to not drinking in the long term. I also go to share with people who are just joining and to give something back. And I am still learning and open to new thinking on this, even if I sound totally sure of myself.

I just keep it to myself about the issues I have presently with “One Day at A Time” as a long-term strategy. I recognize that the 24 Hours at a time method has worked for millions and given them their life back. Especially in the beginning it makes it possible.

I welcome comments from those who think differently on this subject, and I am not trying to say that what works for me works for everyone or is the only way to go. But if anyone else has tried to solve this problem through AA, and had problems with “surrender” then maybe what I have said here will help them resolve the issues. And I hope it will help me too!

I leave you with a quote from the Tao Te Ching (Chapter 4)

"With patience tangled cord may be undone,
and problems which seem insoluble, resolved.

When untangled by a cutting edge,
the cord in little pieces lies,
and is of little use."

So, I don't expect instant results, and I am not in a big hurry. I recognize that am closer to the beginning of this story than the end, I really understand that! And I know that I am not out of the woods.

Thanks for listening to my story (so far). FReegards,

RobFromGa

PS: The book "A Million Little Pieces" by Frey is excellent novel (loosely autobiographical) about recovery.

The AA Big Book is also excellent, as is Living Sober.