Posted on 12/11/2004 5:37:20 AM PST by RobFromGa
To Any Person Who Suspects They May Have a Drinking Problem,
I have written this to describe my experiences of the past 14 months as I have worked to resolve my drinking problem. Everyone is different and I do not propose to be an expert on this topic, but I have my own personal experience and I am sharing it in the hope that it might help someone else to solve this problem and change their life.
I have now been sober for 14 months without a drop of alcohol. This is not a long time as compared to over 25 years of heavy drinking, but I also know something else: I am totally confident that I will never drink again.
In that 14 months I have made it through two football tailgating seasons, over a hundred business lunches and dinners, numerous trips to Germany where beer flows like water, parties, picnics, Super Bowls, a Caribbean cruise, several family vacations, ups and down in life, etc. All things that I thought “required” alcohol.
Fortunately, I did not have some event that caused me to hit “rock bottom”. (I could have had many rock bottoms but I was lucky). Some people need to lose their job, lose their family, kill or seriously injure someone in a car accident, end up in prison, or many other horrible things that alcohol (or drugs) can cause in order to gather the will to quit. Some people think that “bottom” is the only thing that can make a drinker quit for good. I have met many people who proved to me that this is false, you can make such a decision without going through the horrors. But in some ways it is tougher to take the first step.
In every other way, it is much easier to skip the “rock bottom” step and I hope that this letter helps at least one other person to avoid the lost job, lost marriage or prison route to sobriety.
Last October, I made a firm decision to quit and I followed through on that commitment. But I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that I had similarly tried to control my drinking or quit at least 100 times before.
Why was I able to quit this time as compared with the previous 100 attempts? This is a very good question. The only answer I have come up with as to is that this time I was really ready to quit for myself alone. I was truly 100% sick and tired of the way alcohol affected me and I wanted a different life. All the other times I was, in some way, not really ready to control my drinking. The bottle was still in charge. I tried many tactics: I’d only drink on weekends, only drink after 5pm, only drink at parties (almost anything can become a party in such a plan), only drink beer, only drink wine, only drink hard liquor, only drink things I didn’t like the taste of (I know it sounds nuts but I was nuts), only drink every other week, quit for a day, quit for a weekend, quit for a week, quit for “this vacation or event”. I tried every way to quit in the world to stop drinking except the way that eventually worked for me.
If you are reading this and you know someone that has a drinking problem and you want to help them, you must understand that you are at a severe disadvantage. This is a condition of the mind more than a condition of the body and it is nearly impossible to bring another person to a mental place where they can admit that alcohol is causing more pain in their life than the pleasure it brings. Because a drinker can hardly imagine life without alcohol. It is with us at many points of our thinking and decision making process. We make plans around alcohol and drinking, not all of the time but enough.
If this does not sound like you at this point but you still think you might have a problem, I am not going to tell you that you are OK with your drinking, I will only say that you don’t have the same problem that I was facing so my experience may be of little value to you. I do know people who can go for long periods with nothing at all, then they “binge” and drink to pass out. This is obviously a problem, but not the problem that I have experience with. For 25 years I drank to excess. I often did not get "drunk" but I was always under the influence. For many of those years I drank daily, sometimes starting at 6am and going till 2am the next night. I am not proud of this but it is the truth.
As a problem drinker, you probably associate most of the “fun” you have in life with alcohol in some portion and are worried that without alcohol you will become a dull, bored person with no joy in life. You probably think that there are some things where you will always have to drink to enjoy. I know I worried about that, and I can assure you it is false. You will enjoy life more when you quit, at least that has been my experience. Even that Caribbean cruise and college football tailgating.
I first started drinking in High School. I don’t feel that it is necessary to recount the whole story but I drank to blackout on a number of incidences. Other times I just got really drunk and did stupid things that put my life at risk. I drove many times when I had no business on the road, and it would not have taken much to have had a series of events happen that would have changed my life for the worse. In college, I made good grades at a top Engineering school, while drinking heavily. It was a joke that I would study with a bottle of Jim Beam next to my desk.
As I got into the business world, and specifically into sales, drinking is a daily part of business life. At least that’s what a drinker thinks. And for people who do not have a problem controlling it, drinking is a wonderful part of life. The occasional party or business dinner and a few social drinks to move the business forward are great. But I was never able to do that—for me it was five, ten, fifteen drinks. Into the late hours, with not enough sleep, feeling like crap the next morning when I should have been at my best. Then repeating the same behavior each night. And I was very successful, and I thought drinking was part of the success.
I rationalized that with my talent, the drinking was part of who I am, and that even at 50% I was still more capable than most others so it wasn’t necessary to control myself.
I know this is getting long so I’ll get to the point: One Friday last October I was driving down the road. I hadn’t had a drink in two days and was in one of my “quit drinking the rest of the week” attempts. Rush Limbaugh announced that he was going to a Rehab Center for his drug addiction to resolve his problem. This for some reason got through to me. I called two people that I am close with and told them that I was not going to drink one drop of alcohol until Rush came out of treatment. (Telling these people I had made this decision helped me).
I told myself that after thirty days, I would decide whether I would drink again in a more controlled manner or stop completely. I did not have the luxury of taking the time off from work to enter treatment, but since Rush was going in, he was in there for both of us.
I did not attend AA (although I will talk about AA later) but I was clearly at the first step of their program. It is a very simple concept:
I admitted that I had a drinking problem and that I wanted to do something about it. I can tell you that if you are really at that point then you can fix yourself. If you are not at that step, then there is nothing that anyone can do to help you and I hope that you stay alive, and intact until you reach that point.
After about a week of sobriety, I stopped thinking about alcohol very much. I threw myself into work and tried to start losing weight as well. By the second week I made the decision: “I WILL NEVER DRINK AGAIN” and I wrote that in my journal. I recognized that a bottle of booze is an inanimate object that is simply poison to me and that it cannot force itself into my body. I have the control over whether I use my arms to bring the poison to my lips. And I choose not to allow that to happen ever again.
I have noticed that there is an inner “voice” that I have (he stays fairly silent now) that in the beginning used to put thoughts in my mind like: “surely you can just have one, you’ve been good”, “it’s a beautiful Fall Day, surely you could just do the social drink”, “you’re in the Caribbean for Gods’ sakes, shouldn’t you at least have one Margarita to celebrate your sobriety”. When my mind lets the inner voice talk, I quickly reassert control and think about the serenity that I have found since I quit drinking.
I need to stop writing now, the family is waking up, but I will write another letter tomorrow morning which describes these 14 months and what other tactics I have used in my sobriety.
I hope that this helps at least one other soul out there. Feel free to post questions or suggestions.
FReegards, RobFromGa
I get railed at for this stance . . . but in my experiences over 25 years working with alcoholics and around a lot of other people with problems . . .
IF someone drinks more than 3 drinks an evening--imho--they either have a drinking problem of serious growing proportions or will have in RELATIVELY short order.
I actually would probably say 3--or more drinks an evening. 3-4 or more within 24 hours.
People who don't have an alcohol problem do NOT NEED nor CRAVE nor WANT more than that.
Another perspective is that if one can't go cold turkey teetotaling for 6 months without craving it at all--then they have a problem.
People who crave chocolate a lot seem to also have a predispostion toward alcoholism.
Has anyone in one's social circle commented even supposedly 'jokingly' about one's alcohol use/abuse? Especially, has anyone in one's nuclear family; workmates; close friends commented? Trouble is, alcoholics tend to have friends who are in the same boat and no one's going to point the finger.
I'll stick by my no more than 2 an evening and no more than 3-4 in 24 hours.
"If You Don't Quit You Win" Marker BTTT
Have never been even buzzy.
Get a typing software program--Mavis Beacon is good.
Take a typing test without any alcohol. Drink a can of beer.
Take same test again.
Drink another can of beer.
Take same test again.
Drink another can of beer.
Take same test again.
Consider if you'd like someone else driving with those changes in their thinking, fine motor coordination and physiology up and down a street your 6 year old only son was playing on . . . or driving on the streets you drive on . . .
I forget the contribution genetics seems to make--15-20% or some such.
We all have predispositions to sin this way or that. We can all choose to resist and the enemy will flee. NOT easy in many cases whether it's food, alcohol, drugs, sex, whatever.
It's not what life hands us that's the problem--it's how we respond. And we all have our load to tote.
BTTT
Alcoholics tend to be
--very, very smart in at least some ways, often many ways.
--they are great actors fooling everyone at least some of the time and often themselves the worst.
--it may take 40-50 years of drinking to die from it physiologically. Sooner behind the wheel--maybe one binge. Some livers are stronger than others.
--alcoholics cover for one another as though covering for themselves--which they are, in a way.
--just as they can think fast and solve problems to hide their drinking or survive their drinking, they can solve problems needing solved in their work. They can be very effective in their work depending on many factors--HOW pickled they are in WHAT sorts of situations etc. And, functioning pickled is their NORM. They have learned to compensate so well for so long . . . it's NORMAL.
--Yes, they are STILL A BIG HAZARD on the road; at home; with kids; with spouses etc. And, schizophrenics who drink are MUCH MORE LIKELY TO BE VIOLENT than those who don't. And spouse abuse is rampant.
That could make getting the poptop open more of a challenge!
Good you realize the allergic connection/condition!
4 would likely make you legally drunk on the road in some states.
I'm still wary of anyone drinking that much in an evening. Two would likely do in terms of all the benefits.
1-2 drinks
have ALREADY started neutralizing, deadening, putting to sleep
THE BRAIN'S JUDGMENT CENTER
which determines when something is too much; the car ahead is too close etc.
Thank you Rob for giving this valuable life lesson a hearing. I, too, believe that a person has to quit for their own sake. I like the way you did it--with Rush "in spirit". Very clever. AA will say you'll always have the desire to drink. I wonder if you would disagree?
Anyone who thinks alcohol is the life of the party; necessary for fun and interesting socializing . . .
Go into most any bar
and drink only a coke--NO alcohol--and listen to the conversations around you.
They tend to be insispid, inane, full of self-pity or other nonsense etc.
Alcohol is a depressant.
It loosens the inhibitions and gives the ILLUSION of fun.
Any video tape of acting out under the influence will tend to show that the 'fun' is anything but.
. . . that is from a truly sane perspective.
Other soused partners will agree that alcohol is the life of the party.
Please put me on your ping list.
THX.
Take a typing test without a cell phone. Hold a cell phone to your ear and talk.
While talking take same test again.
Turn the radio on.
While listening and talking take same test again.
Hold a hamburger in your other hand.
While listening and talking and eating take same test again.
Consider if you'd like someone else driving with those changes in their thinking, fine motor coordination and physiology up and down a street your 6 year old only son was playing on . . . or driving on the streets you drive on . .
TOO TRUE!
Doesn't negate the point about alcohol, though!
And, probably, in SOME contexts, distracted is not QUITE the same as asleep.
Huh. A very thought provoking post...
Unfortunately, I think the addiction tends to skip generations. My 22-year-old son has been drinking since his teens...to top it off, he was diagnosed with hepatitis C 2 years ago. He KNOWS he needs to quit but he's just not ready.
It KILLS me to watch him hurting himself this way, but until he decides it's time to quit, there's nothing I can do...except pray.
That's awesome. Breaking out in handcuffs! It's never been that bad for me, but everyone has their different breaking point. >:) If you believe in god, may he be with you.
The longest I ever made it was 3 1/2 years... still here, maybe I need to look at it again. Why else would I be reading this stuff?
Me too.
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