Posted on 12/03/2004 7:01:43 AM PST by grellis
Well put. There's a difference between showing respect for the people who make different choices from us, because they are people, and saying that all the choices themselves are equal.
I'll confess, I thought marriage was a whole lot simpler BEFORE I actually got married.
Dan
(c;
I don't want to be criticized for homeschooling, just as I do not criticize those who do not homeschool.
I can pretty much hold me own on any debate, except when it comes to the arguements about homeschool vs. public school
Homeschooling is wonderful, but not for everyone, and I saw it early on that I am one it is not for. I'm a SAHM, but our daughter goes to public school, but not just any old school. I did a lot of research into schools and found a district far superior to where we were. So we put our house on the market and moved to another state, still within the territory of my husband's' job.
The move took a serious financial toll on us, because I was self employed and worked from home, but when the house went on the market, I lost all my clients, thus the second income, almost imediately. It took us nearly 3 years to move, and it has been 4 years since I collected a paycheck.
It's been tough, and we're finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but we bit the bullet to do what we thought was in the very best interest of our daughter who is the most important person in the world to us.
Others disagree with our choices and I respect their right to hold a different opinion. But more than once I have been reduced to near tears by someone claiming I am horrid parent because my daughter is in public school.
Please realize I am not referring to any of the 3 of you - just mentioning you as you all mention homeschooling.
>>My central concerns would be twofold, I suppose:
1. Are the parents' values in the right place?
2. If they feel forced to make less-than-ideal choices, is it really unavoidable? Or is it because they have (falsely) adopted peripheral values (i.e. a certain material standard of living) as if they were central?<<
Dan- you have brought up a valid point. I think we as SAHMs or HSMs get flippy when we see the "I'm doing the best for my child." that is not really the best. Here is an example.
I watched a 14 month old when my older daughter was 12 months. These girls were the best of friends so I loved being paid 2 bucks an hour for a playmate.
The mother lived with the father of this child (had an older girl from another man living with her mother). The father drove a milk delivery truck to the tune of 60,000 a year and got free eggs, milk and dairy products. The mom worked under the table for a group of dry cleaners at 10.00 an hour (tax free). The little girl was violent and sometimes nasty. At one point I thought of telling the mom that I couldn't watch her because of the danger to my own daughter. Columbine happened and I thought, this could be this girl if she doesn't have some stability in her life. I was her only stability.
The mom got to a point where she was working 12 hour days. The child saw her parents only on the weekends. She came to calling my hubby, Daddy. After a while, my hubby said, "Either her mom needs to cut back hours or we get the tax break on this kid."
(Please understand at this point that the mom was on welfare as well because she was not married to the father and worked under the table).
I told the mom that I would not be able to watch the little girl 12 hours a day anymore. She was not happy. I asked her why she felt a need to work that much. She truly said that she was doing it FOR the child. This girl had every toy that one could buy, a tv that was so big that if you laid it down, it stretched across the livingroom and the parents drove new cars.
It's tough not being judgemental sometimes.
Really, how can we possibly know the reaction of others to our comments before we post them ? We know next to nothing about them, or the variety of personal experiences each may have gone through, which would lead to their reactions.
And one comment from me can lead to a variety of reactions in others; some people will be happy to hear what I've said; some will be hurt, some will be indifferent. I've really no way of foretelling which reaction will come up beforehand.
I think a better tactic would be to just accept the emotional reactions that occur to us and to others, and not to take them personally in any way.
>>But more than once I have been reduced to near tears by someone claiming I am horrid parent because my daughter is in public school.<<
Someone deserves a smack!
I love Homeschooling. Not everyone can do it and some people should not. Actually, some kids just DON'T learn from their parents.
We all need to understand that.
Seriously though, it's hard to understand sometimes that what is best for MY family is not always best for another family. Instead I can see the differences as some sort of "I'm better than you because..." challenge. I think a lot of the anger gets stirred up because people -- including me -- don't realize how judgemental we can sound when our words are not accompanied by our facial expressions. And then of course, there are some who just love getting others riled up. I wish THEY would go away!
So let me say, to everyone on this thread, that I respect our differences, and I hope to learn as much from each of you as possible! And if I ever come across otherwise, let me know, ok? I certainly don't mean any harm! :o)
So in conclusion, if you're a public school demand feeder who slings your kids and lets them sleep in your bed, you must be a liberal democrat! LOL!!!!! (ONLY kidding!
And now that I've spouted off my 10 cents, I'll go read what you all have said! He he he!!
Wow. Just all sorts of "wow."
NOTE: I DO NOT SERIOUSLY MEAN WHAT I AM ABOUT TO SAY. But I hope you will understand what I mean when I say that I sometimes wish people had to past some rigorous tests before being given the ability to reproduce. Like the children of people such as you describe. Those poor kids, those poor, poor kids.
Dan
)c8
UhHuh.
I love to read the homeschooling threads because I have learned so much, particularly about myself and just how much I am actually teaching her with normal every day things.
Fixing dinner together is reading, math, and science lessons rolled into one, so I'm supplementing what she learning in school.
EVERY parent is a teacher - regardless of whether they homeschool or not. My conclusion on the topic of schooling - whatever your choice, if the parent is involved with the kids, it'll turn out fine!! There are a couple of moms at church who's kids go to public schools and I can honestly say I hope my kids turn out like theirs. Homeschool is not a guarantee of good kids. I know some pretty ill behaved homeschool kids and some ill behaved public school kids. The parents make the difference, IMHO!
No matter what your reasons not to homeschool- I think you have done an A+ job! ;}
I tell people in your situation, ( who ask me) that no matter what they decide they will make the right choice!
Why?
Because they (you) have considered your options and made the decisions based upon what they (you) know is best for the child.
That is the best any of us can hope do to.
I couldn't agree more. We're not perfect, but we're doing the best we can and learning as we go!
Howdy DBR!! :o)
But let's face it... Not one of us really knows what we are doing is the absolute best thing... there is no way to know until the kids are adults.. and there will be many times we find out we were wrong on one thing or another between now and then.
Best thing we can do is love them- devote ourselves to their needs the best we can and teach them right from wrong.
I am 99% certain I have chosen the right thing in homeschooling for my kids. I don't feel the need to judge others for things which I can not possibly understand about their families.
I hear THAT!! You'd think I'd have things down by #4, but I feel like a first-time parent all over again at times! (Do I let him cry? Did I burp him long enough? etc.) LOL!!
Now where are all those nasty posters anyway? Just send 'em in, we'll nice 'em to death!! LOL!!!!!
Thank you.
As I said, I have learned much here on FR from the homeschooling parents............you were all a wonderful source of info when school got out for the summer ;^)
LOL!!!
I only have the one, she's 6, so I guess I will always be a first-time mom!!
I applaud all of you ladies and gentleman with numerous children.
I have said before and I will say it again.
If they walk, if they talk and if they are potty trained, they have a homeschooling mom.
You are right, homeschooling is not all book learning. 2 1/2 cups making a whole cup baking a cake is math. Correcting the "The soap sinked to the bottom." type phrases is language arts. Everyday is a learning experience for a child who has parents that listen and care.
LOL!!!....nice them to death, good one.
On some threads I tend to meet them head on - but NOT on parenting/schooling/family threads......but I will respond if I'm attacked first.
I'm not so circumspect on other topics.
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