Posted on 11/19/2004 10:08:00 PM PST by MOMK9875
I want to relay to you the story of our family. My husband and I have been married almost 10 years. We both had been married previously and each had sole custody of our young sons (mine was 16 and his was 8 at the time). My husband is a cradle Catholic and I am a converted Catholic. 8 years ago we gave birth to a beautiful little girl. Then 3 years ago we decided to become foster parents. Both of us, for reasons of our own, had become very conservative over the years prior to our meeting. Now we were a full household with not only the responsibility of raising our own children but also the children of others. My son went off to join the Army and recently returned unharmed (praise the Lord!) from a tour of duty in Iraq. His son unfortunately has chosen a very different path and is currently out of the house and not working.
In the past year, it became very obvious that we needed to start taking steps to insure that all of "our" children were given the best start in life we could possibly give them. So, we began homeschooling our daughter and are currently discussing homeschooling our foster children. Unfortunately we have to deal with bureacrats for that.
I hear parents talking quite often about the problems they have encountered in schools, in finding appropriate clothing for their children and the lack of wholesome entertainment to be found. Unfortunately, many of those same parents are astounded when I tell them that we are actually doing something about these problems!
A parent might say something to me like, "how do you get your children away from the T.V. or video games?" It's simple, we have several T.V.'s in our home, we have all the older video games and we have 2 computers. But we ACT like parents, WE decide when these extras can be used. When our children want to watch T.V. or a video, WE decide what is appropriate. All of our "extras" are located in open gathering areas. We don't allow T.V.'s or computers in the bedroom. While we allow a child privacy when needed we don't allow our children to lay about in their rooms doing "nothing". We make sure that there is plenty of wholesome activity for the children both in and outside of our home. Many times I get responses back from parents saying that my way is great but it is too late for them to start that with their children. My instant reply to that is: IT IS NEVER TOO LATE!. Our life should be proof of that! We get in children from age 1 to age 12. These children usually come to us with lots of baggage as well as habits instilled in them. It often takes a while for them to become comfortable but eventually they like the way we do things around here. For many of our foster children our way of life is a tremendous relief! They don't have to wonder what to do next. They don't have to sit around "being bored". And they know that THEY are a contributing member of our home. Don't get me wrong, we don't keep schedules of things to do or not to do. But in our home there is ALWAYS something to do. Between chores, schooling, playing and crafting there is rarely any time to spare on sitting on our rears in front of a T.V. or computer.
In addition to all of the above, I have also started making many of our clothes. I became frustrated in trying to find appropriate clothing (especially for the girls) in any of our local stores and even online. I got to the point where I was buying girls dresses and shirts a size too large and then taking them in so that they fit more modestly. I was relieved to find that there ARE good quality dress makers out there willing to make modest children's clothing as well as sell their patterns. And the most important thing we do is: Practice what we preach!! We as the parents don't sit around playing computer or video games, we don't turn on the T.V. the minute we get home, and we don't run out to rent the newest HOT release the minute it comes out.
I used to be a T.V. addict. I had my "favorite" shows that I just HAD to watch no matter what. It's funny but it only took me about a week until I couldn't remember why I ever HAD to watch anything on T.V. It's not that our whole world revolves around the children. It's just that our world includes the children in every aspect. When we go out and have a sitter in for the children, we often get comments from the sitters about how much fun THEY had babysitting! I have actually had sitters call me and ask when they could babysit again.
Our children are not angels, but then we don't expect them to be. They are not "little grown-ups" either. We take our rolls seriously as the parents and providors of those in our charge, whether or not they are biologically related to us.
So, in conclusion I would give a few simple rules to any parent or would-be parent: 1. Remember, when you commit yourself to caring for a young life, it is not only your right but also your responsibility to set the standards that they can live by. 2. "NO" is not a terrible word, and disappointment does not have to destroy. 3. YOU are your childs village not the rest of the world. 4. Children are most capable of adapting and coping when they KNOW what to expect.
I welcome any conversation or feed back to this article.
Thanks, Kim
"No man is an island unto himself" I can't remember who said that or even if I quoted it correctly, but I take it to mean that I can always use the help of others.
Great post. We need more parents to care like you do in this world..
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