“Those acts of God really stick it in and break it off, don't they?"
"I may be a bastard, but I'm not a f#$%ing bastard."
“Are you okay?”
“Peachy! Why shouldn't I be? The world's my oyster, except for the fact that I just rammed a wooden stake in my brother's heart because he turned into a vampire, even though I don't believe in vampires. Aside from that unfortunate business, everything's hunky-dory.”
“What, were they psychos?”
“Did they look like psychos? Is that what they looked like? They were vampires. Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don't give a f#@k how crazy they are!”
“I'm not gonna drain you completely. You're gonna turn for me, you'll be my slave. You'll live for me. You'll eat bugs because I order it. Because I don't think you're worthy of human blood, you'll feed on the blood of stray dogs. You'll be my foot stool. And at my command, you'll lick the dog s#&t from my boot heel. Since you'll be my dog, your new name will be ‘Spot’. Welcome to slavery.”
“No thanks. I've already had a wife.”