Posted on 10/13/2004 9:26:18 AM PDT by woofie
When I saw the words "purient" and "motorcycle" in the title, I just KNEW I had to ping YOU.
heheheh.
posted as is.....no paragraphs in the original
Spider sex causes spontaneous death
12:33 26 June 03
NewScientist.com news service
Sexual suicide, cannibalism and necrophilia are all involved in a macabre study that adds a new twist to the mating behaviour of spiders.
Researchers found that for male orb-weaving spiders of the species Argiope aurantia completing copulation leads to certain death. The deceased suitor's corpse is then trapped in the female genitalia. This may be a strategy to prevent other males from subsequently mating with the female, say the scientists.
"I was stunned that his happened with every single male," says Matthias Foellmer, of Concordia University in Montreal, Canada, who conducted the study with Daphne Fairbairn of the University of California, Riverside. "Spiders are known for their bizarre mating, but even so this was surprising."
Male spiders are often the losers of the dating game. The females of many species are cannibals, literally combining dinner and a date. Some males do their best to escape their mate's post coital appetite while others, like the red back spider, accept their fate by somersaulting into the female's fangs.
But anecdotal reports that Argiope males were not eaten but died spontaneously during sex intrigued Foellmar and Fairbairn. So they observed more than 100 spider matings.
Wow.....What a...um...what's the word i'm looking for?...
I don't think there is a word for somebody this bad!
Life COULD be worse.
We could be.... this guy.
No mention of the kid after the birth I noticed.
Sorry, not read. Can't get past the lack of paragraphs and formatting.
Sounds vaguely familiar..
I've got two words - white trash.
A_R
Aunt Bunny!
She's like "Yeah, I love Motorcycles, they're great!" Now, i'm thinking to myself, this chicks cool, she's hot, has big boobs, and loves motorcycles. I gotta snag this one up quick.Little did i know that as soon as i gave her the engagement ring, all that would change. First, it was a subtle hint, you know, that the wedding's going to be expensive, and that that band costs just as much as my motorcycle. With all these wedding plans going on, i hardly have time to ride my bike.
I'm schleping all over the state looking at reception halls, listening to cheesy wedding bands, and picking out floral arrangements. She brings up the fact that i havn't ridden my bike in a while now, (No kidding!! She won't let me out of her sight for more than 5 minutes!) and that maybe i should sell it. Now, that brings a whole lot of tension into the situation. I'm like no way! Then i notice that our sex life has reduced dramatically. A man has gotta do, what he's gotta do, so, i sell the bike, thinking that things will get better.
She promises me, that as soon as we get married, she'll get a good job, and then i can get another bike. We get married, and we're having sex everyday. Life is good. The Evil One is looking for work for like, 6 months. I find it hard to believe that she can't find a damn job, but who am i to say? She's just holding out for that Management position she says. To be quite honest, i really don't care, she's cleaning my pipes better than Roto Rooter.
Then the kicker...She tells me she's pregnant. All the while i thought she was on the pill! I ask her how this happened, and she said the pill gave her facial hair. (I really couldn't see a difference, after all she is Italian). Fast Foward 9 months...i'm out breaking my back doing manual labor, she's a big, fat, hairy lipped beach ball, with the disposition of a rabid Pit Bull.
Nothing i say, or do is good enough for her. The day she gave birth, i thought again, that things will change for the better. WRONG!! Now everythings about the baby. Me, i'm second fiddle. Sex life? Ha! The only time i get some action is when i see her breast feeding the little bastard! I'm going crazy, at least if i had a motorcycle, i could take out some of my frustration. Even the guys at work notice how miserable i've been. One day, my partner rolls up on a brand new bike. I wanted to commit suicide.
He knows how bad i wanted another bike. He see's the look in my eye, and asks me if i would like to take it out for a spin Friday night. It was truly the first time i lit up since marrying that bitch.
Friday rolls around, i cash my check, and head on over to my partners house. I cruise around for a while, and end up at this little bar on the edge of town. I head up to the bar, place my helmet on it, and order a beer. I look over and see this little hottie chatting it up with her friends. I notice that the eye contact is getting more and more frequent. After a few more minutes, she walks over to me and tells me she just loves motorcycles. That they get her "excited". I ask her if she wants to go for a ride. Her beautifully full lips widen with a pearly white smile. I take that as a yes. I grab her by the hand, and lead her to the bike. She straps on the spare helmet that was on the bike, and away we go. We ride for hours. She taps me on the shoulder, and tells me her apartment is on the next block. Would i want to stop in for a while and have another beer. Who am i to say no? I watch her lead the way, and i can't keep my eyes off of her tight lil' behind. I think back to the days when old hippo ass looked like this.
Well, once upstairs, one beer turned into two, and so on. The next thing i know, i'm in bed with her, and she was amazing! It was the best expierence i have ever had. Right then i had an epiphany. I had to be happy. I wasn't going to live a miserable existance for the rest of my life and something had to be done. Long story short, i left my hairy beast of a wife. (She's done good since i left. She remarried an Appliance salesman named Harold.) While i was moving out, i came across the helmet. I don't ever want to be reminded of my miserable past life, so please, make a bid. I have a motorcycle payment to make!
The helmet has no scratches, size MED and i would rate it a 9 out of 10 Winning bidder to Pay with PAYPAL ONLY. Winning Bidder to pay all Shipping costs.
I ship UPS ONLY. No Zero or Negative Feedback Bidders.http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7927433876 --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Motorcycle ping
I didn't know my ex-wife had remarried.
See above...(My paragraphs)
Thought perhaps it might....
Sure. Kill oneself as a strategy to prevent her from cheating on you. Some strategy.
bookmark for humor
Mrs. Slim bought her own bike and her own helmet. I guess I'm a lucky guy.
(of course when I asked if she just wanted to ride on the back of mine, she said "Are you out of your mind?")
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