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I’ll never read Clinton’s book, so here are ten things I won’t I won’t learn:

1. If he mentions his love of a fattening delicacy in the shape of a toroid.
2. No, not a donut—I’m talking about Monica. As in, "I’d do it or have it done, because I could.”
3. Clinton, laughing: “What a riot. Do it because I could. Heh, heh.”
4. More Clinton: “Ah, the memories! The lovely odor it left on my cigar.” (What about the odor you left on the nation, Billy Boy?)
5. Clinton to Monica, in the Oval Office: “We’d better close the door. It would be really bad if the Secret Service saw us. Even worse if Hillary did.”
6. More Clinton to Monica: “I’d like to try a trio. Do what you can to make it happen.”
7. Clinton, talking about Hillary: ”She hates me and I hate her, too. Rid me of this witch, won’t somebody?”
8. If someone gave me a million dollars to go to the nearest Barnes & Noble with the choice of reading either Bill's or Hillary’s book, I’d root for the bookstore to burn down.
9. Clinton, musing about his future in Hell: “Do I rot from the top down, or the bottom up?"
10. Clinton’s sycophants find him a personal physician who is similarly damaged in the private area, so Bill won’t feel awkward. “Hey, Dr. I, too have a bent member.”