Posted on 06/04/2004 1:44:40 PM PDT by Just another Joe
Yours..........
Not yet!
Hi Lisa
Hello, LisaMalin. Welcome to the Smoker's Lounge.
A joke to announce your arival
In the beginning, God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, with green and yellow and red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthful yoghurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair. And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 14.
So God said: "Try my fresh green garden salad." And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp, butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition. Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his children might lose those extra pounds. And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretchy Lycra jogging suits.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?" And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!" And Satan said: " It is good." And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
Satan chuckled and created The Canadian Health Care System!
BWAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna be a grandpa, I'm senile. ;^)
Thanks for the laugh, I really need it tonight.....
Hey Gabz....
Well, the nurse has drawn my blood, taken my blood pressure, and I've filled the little bottle. Now we wait for the lawyers to do their thing, and by the end of the month (possession date 30th June) my brother and I are homeowners!
A small observation:
Is it just me or does anyone else find it absolutely amazing that the U.S. government can track a cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall where she sleeps in the state of Washington, and determine exactly what that cow ate. They can also track her calves right to their stalls, and tell you what kind of feed they ate.
But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens wandering around in their country, inlcuding people that are trying to blow up important structures in the U.S.
My solution is to give every illegal alien a cow as soon as they enter the country.
Oh, Joe, if'n yer still around, I would really appreciate a Hi-Test and a Cohiba. A shot of good rye would be nice, too.
Heck, I knew you were senile before I knew you were gonna be a grandpa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was something I was going to say to you and the rest of the reprobates around here right after you finally got here........but it seem the track left the station and I lost my train of thought.........
PERFECT solution!!! as long as the cow is from Canada...................
Hiya Gabz. I've got the grandkids for the weekend, we're all in the bedroom piled on the bed watching Master and Commander, I'm here at the desk, Tinker the Wonder Puppy (4 mo old mastiff) at my feet. I came here to take a break from the hot thread, sit among friends and have a nice Harvey's Bristol Creme over shaved ice.
We went to the Current River at Round Springs earlier, caught some minnows, turned them loose again. Threw frisbees for the dog to chase in the water...he weighs 55 pounds, half of that is feet. Still has his baby teeth...likes to eat ice cubes, I hope that's safe for a puppy...
Morning JA......
I called it an early one last night...........we've got a full day of on our feet activities like festivals to attend today, providing the weather ever clears up.
YAYYYYYY!
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