[JustPlainJoe]

Get 'em quick, folks! They're moving like hotcakes!

Only 98 genuine Titanium umbrellas left, now on sale for the very low price of $324,979.00 each. I'll throw in a set of kitchen knives to the next 5 callers! These knives have been hardly used (only on cats - I got them secondhand from the local oriental restaurant at their "going out of business" sale) and they're guaranteed to chop those falling asteroids like overripe tomatoes!
That's right, you heard it! GUARANTEED! If these babies don't keep you safe from unwanted flaming matter, you can have your money back! (providing you can find my wallet among my ashes)

[Conservative4Ever]

I'll take two of them. Will you be so kind as to take a post dated check for July 1? I will however pay for the shipping and handling so the umbrellas can be sent immediately. :)

Red