Posted on 05/21/2004 7:00:18 AM PDT by grellis
Welcome to the promised thread just for us moms: the stay at homes, the workforcers, the stepmothers, the grandmothers, the mothers-to-be. Dads, you're welcome to join in, too, but be forewarned: you may find yourselves confronted with breastfeeding tips!!!
I have heard form many of you over the past week, in mail and on threads, and it has been suggested that we discuss the isolation which many of us deal with. What had not occurred to me until I heard from some of you is that workforce moms are often isolated from other adults, although this occurs in a subtler manner than a stay-at-home mom's situation. I have only been out of the workforce for a year, having quit my overnight stockroom job last spring, but in just one year I have forgotten what it is like to be alone in a sea of adults. It was fine for my coworkers to discuss, at length and in graphic detail, how much fun they had bar-hopping over the weekend, or to share their photos from their most recent trip to Vegas, but there seemed to be an unwritten rule which forbade ANY of us from discussing our families. Being a mother is not all that I am, but it is such a large part of me that I often found little to talk about with my coworkers.
A stay-at-home mom's isolation, in many instances, is almost overwhelmingly complete. How many of you have gone three days or longer without a single adult conversation, excepting interaction with your spouse? What are some ways (besides hanging out at Free Republic!) that moms can meet with other adults while caring for children? What are some ways of coping with the isolation when adult interaction is not possible?
Grab a cuppa, pop in a VeggieTales for the kids. Let's take a wee break!
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I suffer from stay at home mom guilt and isolation as well at times.
One of the worst things is when I get together with my 3 best friends and I am always interupting them to talk. They don't understand that I dont mean to be rude like that but sometimes I just have to talk so sometimes I just blurt out.
Now that my kids are a little older, ages 8 and 11 I am looking forward to having them around all summer. They will be busy now doubt but I am looking forward to it a lot. They are not as demanding and getting their own identies and I am liking them very much.
I left the work force in 92 when my son was about 6 months old.
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Tonight I'm going to the state Republican convention. I doubt if there's going to be a lot of discussion about the rising price of diapers!
There was a 6 year gap between my 1st child born and the 1st child born for any of my 3 best friends. We hardly talked during those 6 years. Now we all spend a lot of time together both family and girls night out. See them at least 2 times per month. We also vacation once a year now which is always a great time. 17 of us in all. We are going to Disney in April next year.
I wish they could all stay home but I am the only one who lucked out financially in that manner.
During the time that our kids were young I had been a SAM for a while then a working mom. Both have pitfalls and both can carry some guilt.The kids did better when I did stay at home.
There is no doubt in my mind that my kids are much better off with me home and available about 99.9 percent of the time for them. I can tell they are more mature and more concerned about their education then other kids who have 2 full time working parents.
God bless your son! I'll pray for his safety. Do you love having your grandson with you? My folks would be over the moon, apart from the worry of having a loved one deployed.
When my oldest son was born over six years ago, the phone stopped ringing as soon as we got home from the hospital. I ceased to exist, as far as the folks I thought of as friends were concerned. After a few months of unanswered phone messages I just gave up. It was such a horrible feeling! Now, when I occasionally bump into these people, I make myself smile, say a polite "Hihowyadoing?" and try very hard not to think "Just you wait! You'll get yours!"
Big time! We have missed seeing so much with a lot of miles between most of our grand kids. Having him here with us is the silver lining to the war.
I have experienced much of the same in terms of the isolation and so forth. It was much more pronounced when my daughter was first born. I am 33 and the only one of my friends that has a family really. So when I talk about what we do on the weekends (catch lightning bugs, make smores, etc) they look at me like I am an alien! LOL. But I wouldn't trade catching lighting bugs for bar hopping singledom. No way. :)Great thread Grellis!
I am a sahm of 2, and feel isolated also. It doesn't help that we just moved. When I first became a SAHM, I gained 100 pounds. I finally lost it, and became a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. Exercise feels like my only escape, but I still don't get any time to myself or any time alone. I'm terrified I'll gain the weight back because of being at home and "grazing." It's a tough job! Kudos to those out there who make it look easy!
SAHM of 2 also. Also moved to a place I know not a sole. Husband is an electrical apprentice so has crazy hours and jobs all over the state. So glad the topic is isolation it has been hitting me hard lately. Especially as I am trying to figure out a way to make money from home. Obviously I will have to get out and meet people and I am finding I am so scared to do this. I was a paralegal for several years so used to being calm and cool under pressure. Now, scared to get out and meet people. But so glad I am not alone.
I am a SAM with my son who is 8 months and feel very fortunate. Went back to work for 2-3 months and it was just too hectic due to the type of 24 hour on-call stuff my husband does. We pinch every penny now to keep me here and it is hard! When I start to grumble about no more going out to dinner or the movies (I am just in need of a "date" with hubby these days) or the fact that we need a new car, I just remind myself WHY we can't afford it right now and then I smile, look at my son and thank God for what I DO have. Funny how it makes things better. But I can't lie and say that it happens at least twice a week (maybe the longer I am home, the less I will have those episodes.)
Before we had the baby, we were always going out at night to bars and restaurants, sometimes with friends, sometimes not. When I see those friends now (most of whom don't have kids) they're always like, "We should get together for lunch!" But I know better now after the first two times when my phone didn't ring!
Now, evenings are spent with us talking and playing with the baby, talking about the gardening and other stuff. WE often mention that this is the best time of our lives, and feel blessed to recognize that, so we savor every moment.
I'm envious of you Rocky. It's been 7 years of this-- and since we haven't lived near any family that can help with babysitting my hubby and I get to go out on a date maybe once a year if we are lucky. It definetly effects our relationship not having any alone time. There are some good times-- but there are some rough patches too.
The isolation here is tough but getting better each day lately. I just moved here right after 9/11 and hadn't made many friends except thru work. Thankfully out of it all I have one very good friend here that I met who is now 5 months pregnant so we talk occassionally but she lives 30 miles from me.
And just the other day I got a call from a former co-worker that I wasn't really close with but she just had a baby in March and just made the decision to be a SAHM - she said she got my number from the HR director and knew we lived in the same town and wants to get together to walk with the babies. I feel so happy that she reached out to me, we are getting together on Monday to walk!
There is a pool in my neighborhood so I am really looking forward to getting to know some of the other mom's this summer. To those on this thread who feel isolated, do you have a community pool to go to? I think with the summer here, it's a great way to meet other moms.
Whatever you do, DON'T fall for any of those "Work at Home" scams like I did! They are all--each and every one--a rip-off.
My sister, a SAHM, has been going to book sales, buying bags of books for just about nothing, and selling them in lots for a great mark-up at ebay. Something she just fell into. Ebay is also good for moms who can craft. Sadly, I have not found a niche for sarcasm. Its just not a marketable commodity.
One way you might be able to get to know folks in your area is to attend a neighborhood meeting, if there is one where you live. Our group meets once a month in the evening. I've met some great people that way.
Littlest one just woke up, I'll stop back in later!
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