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YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF... (2004 Version)

Your standard of living improves when you go camping.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

You have jacked up your home to look for a dog.

You have a relative living in your garage.

Your neighbor has asked to borrow a quart of beer.

There is a belch on your answering machine greeting.

You have rebuilt a carburetor while sitting on the commode.

None of the tires on your van are the same size.

You hold the hood of your car with your head while you work on it.

Your idea of getting lucky is passing the emissions test.

Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.

Your local beauty salon also fixes cars.

Your doghouse and your living room have the same shag carpet.

You've slow danced in the Waffle House.

Starting your car involves popping the hood.

Your garbage man is confused about what goes and what stays.

You whistle at women in church!

You actually wear shoes your dog brought home.

You've been in a fist fight at a yard sale.

You carry a fly swatter in the front seat of the car so you can reach
the kids in the back-seat.

Are you tired of all those mushy "friendship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that really speaks to true friendship!

Friend,

When you are sad, ...I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.

When you are blue, ...I'll try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

When you smile, ...I'll know you finally got laid.

When you are scared, ...I will rag you about it every chance I get.

When you are worried, ...I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be and to quit whining.

When you are confused, ...I will use little words to explain.

When you are sick, ...stay the hell away from me until you're well again. I don't want whatever you have.

When you fall, .I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.

This is my oath, ...I pledge 'til the end.
Why, you may ask? Because you're my friend!

Send this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.

Remember: A friend will help you move.
A really good friend will help you move a body.