Replies

That's probably why I'm still single. I'm too demanding, and never give anything in return < LOL >.

Glenmorangie is just dandy, thanks. I suppose I can sniff the glass just as well as a small snifter. I LOVE the aroma of a fine Scotch.

Here's a week's worth of 2 liner quickies.

>Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values. Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?"
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>Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"
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>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"
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>The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
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>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
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>"That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
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>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all," ;
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>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids.
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>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
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>The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
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>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
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> 1.. All the DNA is the same.
> 2.. 2. There are no dental records.
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>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
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>The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
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>"Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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>Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
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>"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
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>"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
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>"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
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>This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks,
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>"How do you get into those pants?"
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>The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."
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>Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
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>Joe: "Really?"
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>Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
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>A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling.
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>"I'm O. K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
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>"What did he say," asked the nurse.
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>"OOPS!"
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>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband's advice.
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>"What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?"
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>"Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
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>Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He said, "I did that by accident."
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>She replied, "I know that, Grandpa."
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>He replied, "How did you know?"
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>She said, "Because you didn't say "asshole" afterwards