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A Canadian review:

Oh, The Things In This Stink!
THE CAT IN THE HAT (Universal)
Release date: November 21, 2003
Directed by: Bo Welch
Starring: Mike Myers, Dakota Fanning, Spencer Breslin, Alec Baldwin, Kelly Preston and Sean Hayes

Reviewed by: Darrin Keene
Rating: *

Watching The Cat In The Hat, Hollywood's latest lobotomized take on a Dr. Seuss tale, is a grueling exercise. Dry shaving is a more pleasant experience than viewing this 78-minute travesty.

Anyone familiar with the Dr. Seuss' work knows that his stories transcend generation gaps. He creates a world unto itself, injecting moral tales within a rhyme structure that is surreal for adults, but strikingly simple for children. Books like The Cat In The Hat teach good lessons and stimulate the imagination as effectively now as they did nearly half a century ago.

The Cat In The Hat, like all Seuss books, is a simple story: while Mom's away, two children watch in wonderment as a magic talking cat and his fellow "Things" wreak havoc all over their house. Despite the rational protestations of the family fish, everyone seems to be having fun, until the children realize that Mom is coming home soon. The Cat In The Hat eventually fixes his mess amidst a big state of panic and the children learn an important message about taking responsibility. It's all told in the Doctor's trademark charming language.

The film version, on the other hand, is a cold and cynical beast of a story. A team of screenwriters may have been trying to tap into the 21st century by reinventing the story with a hard-working single Mom (Kelly Preston) and her dead-beat boyfriend (Alec Baldwin). They even turn one of the children into a Palm-toting over-achiever (Dakota Fanning). The screenwriters seem to have forgotten that it was Dr. Seuss, not Dr. Phil, who penned the original story.

These family-counseling casualties don't get in the way of the film's true star, the Cat (Mike Myers). Once he makes his vainglorious presence, the viewer is treated to steady a litany of Myers-isms. Alas, anyone who is familiar with Myers' body of work will find that he's running on fumes here.

It appears that Myers has no issue with milking his usual shtick. He works elements from such former characters as Austin Powers, Fat Bastard and Wayne Campbell into a fragmented set of skits, replete with fast edits and a myriad of CGI effects. Granted, his manic energy is something to behold, but how many times do we have to see him make cheesy product placements (this time for Universal theme parks) or milk a British/Scottish accent for cheap laughs?

The CGI work only serves to prove that the best computer action sequences can't replicate the imagination-inducing power of Seuss' rhymes. Even the set designs seem to have a plastic Martha-Stewart-on-LSD quality to them. In this case, that's not a good thing.

As for the moral undertone of the original story, it's there — but wrapped in a package of nudge-wink adult jokes and devoid of true Seuss-inspired magic. One of Dr. Seuss' great talents was to make the moral lesson evident without ever lecturing. Not so with the film. A few lines are added where Myers lets the moral cat out of the bag, perhaps in an effort to accommodate kids who wouldn't be able to discern a clear message out of the fragmented story.

The most noteworthy thing this reviewer witnessed during the screening was the relative silence of the many kids in the theatre. Personally, I squirmed in my seat, eagerly anticipating the end to this miserable hatchet job on one of my childhood classics. I lament the fact that new generations will likely learn about Seuss' story via this CGI-laden monstrosity, which fails miserably in interpreting the good Doctor's timeless tale.