If your houses are not fully paid off your situation means "he gets his retirement" and you get the mortgage payments and property taxes. He has an asset, you get expenses. For you to have an asset, you'd have to sell the house and make a profit. Then, where would you live?
You might want to try a second opinion on the terms of the legal situation, and pay a visit to a reputable certified financial advisor. Don't assume that the legal system will necessarily look out for your interests. You must do that yourself and make sure you have a lawyer who will, too.
Try not to let your worries disrupt your sleep. That will drag you down and be accumulative, affecting your health.
The children must carry their share of the load. If you don't wish to put them in public or private school, you might want to team up with other home-schoolers.
Please forgive me if I'm too forward, but I strongly recommend the book, "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood, 1985, St. Martin's Press. This book changed my life and many others'. From the flyleaf: "If being in love means being in pain, this book was written for you." If you privately let me know how to reach you, I'll send you my copy.
Take care, dear, we care about you.