Reconciliation is not all it's cracked up to be. My wife went thru a mid-life crisis that nearly wrecked me and my 4 kids. Like a fool. I tried reconciliation a few times. It only added time and uncertainty and eventually failed anyway. I'm not saying it won't work in every case, just that it can eat up valuable time that you would otherwise need to get your life back on track.
As to getting your life back in order........ It's a slow, slow process. My kids are all grown now, but I was a single dad (still am) trying to raise 4 kids. It was very difficult, but now, after 10 years, I'm seeing the fruits of doing the right thing for my kids.
I am trying to focus in the now and my future planning doesnot necessarily include my husband. It has been a slow long fall.