Posted on 04/29/2024 1:40:05 PM PDT by mononymous
As overheard at a secret DC location, in attendance:
Derick Garlic (DG)
Flake Wray (FW)
Andrew Weaselman (AW)
Jack Squat (JS)
Fanny Gillis (FG)
Letitia Games (LG)
“Chip Punk” Braggadocio (CPB)
--
DG: All right, good to have everyone in the same room; how are our cases going? Jack $hit, go…
JS: Can you not call me that?
DG: It’s all you got, man; we’ll have some fun, no? Have a laugh!
JS: I take this seriously, your DOJ say we must…
DG: I know, I know, go on.
JS: Well, we have a troublesome judge in the Florida case, and she’s exposing some of our cover-ups…
DG: Flaky Flake, what you got on her?
FW: Nothing, yet…
DG: Nothing? Didn’t Putz Schumer say you guys control everyone?
FW: He’s a loose-lipped fool who knows nothing!
DG: Who does?
FW: I do!
DG: (To the others.) Listen to the guy; what a prize Christie gave us? Man, the gift that keeps on giving…
AW: That’s because there's so much of him to give!
(All laughing.)
DG: By pound or hot air, I think you are right! Flake, what you got on Jack $hit? Sleep with whores? What kind? Make sure you use the right pronouns!
FW: What if they are animals?
DG: Same rules!
FW: Can’t say in this company, can we get back to the point? We have nothing on this lady, yet; we can plant something, any suggestions? We are at your disposal…
DG: Can you think of something, Weaselman?
AW: Manufacturing is my specialty, send me her file, and I will come up with something even if it’s peripheral. Husband, children, clean?
FW: For now, yes.
AW: Hmm...maybe we’ll have to do something; let me see the file. Sexual harassment?
FW: No.
AW: How far back did you go? 10th grade? I mean, I know 10th graders are hot! (They all look at him.) What? I heard it from Epstein!
DG: I must remember to keep you away from my grandchildren...
FW: We went back to 5th grade!
AW: Made any ruling in favor of a Republican, ever?
FW: Will have to consult my people…
AW: There’s the problem, Garlic; they’ve not tried hard enough!
DG: Damn it, take this offline; but report back to me soon. I want something to gum up the works in sweatland! Go, Jack!
(Jack Squat gets up to leave)…
DG: I didn’t mean leave, Jack-ass! What’s wrong with you, using that white powder again?
(JS looking very nervous, and sweating.)
JS: No!
DG: I hope not, otherwise I’ll have you chasing ambulances, if you can keep your license!
JS: Sorry! Well, the Supreme Court seems to be leaning to providing some immunity, that will upend aspects of our case.
DG: Supreme Court (sighs), where I was a contender; hope they are happy with the alternative. But I could have been there instead of scheming here with you tools!
FW: Hey, we are not tools!
DG: Who owns you Flake?
FW: No one owns me!
DG: Who owns you? You are not doing this as an oath to a document written by old white men, so, who owns you?
FW: I’m as clean as the driven snow! Look at my confirmation hearings!
DG: Clean as the driven snow? Ironic, no? So who owns you?
FW: If I tell you, I’ll have to…
DG: What? Frame me? Have me accidentally, brutally, commit suicide with a comb?
FW: We have a common enemy, that’s all that matters, but I’m very high up on the totem pole!
DG: How high?
FW: Maybe as high as the moon!
DG: Really? I’m higher, maybe as high as the sun!
FW: Not possible!
DG: Yes, possible!
FW: Not if it’s measured in the ecliptic plane! See, if you are standing at the equator, and…
DG: Shut the %&*% up! I’m so high, I don’t see any a$$holes when I look up!
AW: Guys, we are all on the same side here!
DG: All right, all right! What hair products do you use Flake? Send me an email about it…we can always use these for FOIA requests, and I can use the tip for my morning hair.
FW: Sounds good! We’re good…
DG: You know what though? Let the court do what it wants, we’ll do the same and ignore their a$$es. Who’s going to stop us?
JS: The House might cause problems!
DG: Oh yes, that reminds me; Flake, have you singled out another one of those losers for a special briefing that might lead to an urgent need to spend more time with family?
FW: Why, yes, yes; we have a few in mind!
DG: Only a few? As the puppet might say, come on, man!
FW: I mean, it’s more than a few, but there are some more easily convinced than others…
DG: I see. There you go, $hit, if there’s any more trouble from them, we’ll have solutions, okay. No worries there. All right, let’s see, Fanny Gillis, what you got? By the way, any relationship to Dobie?
FG: Who? Dopey? You can’t believe everything you read in the news, the thing with Nate was a one-off! (Flake Wray whispers to her.)
DG: Nevermind! You are right though, we can’t even believe everything Flake tells us much less the mouthpieces in our media!
FG: You meant Dobie Gillis from some TV show? I wasn’t even born yet, and I’m sure my father wouldn’t have allowed that honky trash in our home!
DG: Honky?
FG: Yes!
DG: Ah, I see you are trying to emasculate us; don’t! Go ahead, Fatty, er…I mean, Fanny. Jeez, I just noticed something…(Whispering to AW) I see great potential here for a Three Stooges recast. (AW grins.)
FG: What?
DG: If the three of you stood on one side of Guam, it will tip over! (Laughs.)
AW: Where do they find those dumba$$es???
DG: In Congress! Weaselman, take a note, have that “Admiral” look into obesity in the black community, maybe there’s a discrimination angle we can exploit!
AW: Done…
DG: While you are at it, see if all those fast food joints, snack purveyors, and so on, have paid up their protection, I mean, “contributions”, to the committee…
AW: Done!
FG: Are you calling me fat? ‘Cause yo Momma…
DG: Stop, stop! Not at all, I’m suggesting that you’ve been discriminated against! I loved, loved, your performance in those hearings! You should meet Weinstein, maybe he’ll want you…
FG: Thank you, it was for possibilities like this that I was monitoring my media status.
DG: Actually, I don’t think you are Weinstein’s type, he may actually prefer potted plants; sorry.
FG: Are you kidding? What, over this (sweeps one hand over her body)?
DG: I’m afraid I’m not.
FG: How disgusting! We are in a holding pattern, with motions and filings all over the place!
DG: That’s fine, as long as things drag on, it works for our purpose…let’s see, Le-t*ts, what you got?
LG: It’s Le-tish-a!
DG: Yes, yes, but we are all friends here, so, what you got, Le-t*ts?
LG: You know what I’ve got! I’m the only one in this room to have produced results, I was this close to seizing properties, this close (showing about half-an-inch between thumb and index finger)! I’m the only winner here!
DG: All right, all right, give her a round of applause everyone. (They all clap.) What’s going on with the appeal?
LG: It’s moving along.
DG: Got good judges lined up? Haha…that’s funny, right there!
LG: Damn straight, this is New York, baby…
DG: Good, good, can’t get any better. Just keep it alive while the clock ticks, excellent! All right, Chip Punk, what you got?
(Chip Punk is sweating, and mopping his brows.)
CPB: I, for one, think you are sitting there like a Massa, calling us fat, and for the record, I don’t like it!
DG: Calm down, I already explained this…
CPG: You can’t blame me for liking good food!
DG: No, not at all; your gluttony can be blamed on whitey, for sure!
CPG: Good! Now what kind of damn fool you’ve saddled me with? I mean, this Coldemonico got law professors all across the country claiming we are idiots!
DG: Don’t worry, you’ve got him tied up nicely, sucks up time, money, energy, that’s all that matters. Besides, a conviction is guaranteed, right?
CPG: And what the hell kind of name is Col-de-mon-ico? Am I the only who thinks it’s bad voodoo crap with a name like that? What the hell?
DG: Calm down, Chip Punk, relax; same place you got a name like Braggadocio, I guess. Look, how is it going so far?
CPG: How the hell do I know? See what’s going on in the news, didn’t you?
DG: Juan Mercantile is doing a great job, he’ll pull through for us; you have nothing to worry about.
CPG: I have my reputation to worry about, that’s what…
DG: Chip Punk, you’ll be well taken care of; an all-you-can-eat buffet at your favorite place?
CPG: Yum!
DG: Good deal! But, Chip Punk, just to see how much you’ve learned, if orange man were to pick up some toothpaste at the local drug store, and forgot to pay, what would you do?
CPB: Why, charge his ass with a felony, of course.
DG: And how come you don’t prosecute other people who do the same?
CPB: Because the local crime becomes a federal felony when he drives the damn getaway car down a federally subsidized road!
DG: Wow! Just wow! How quickly this guy learns, eh? I’d give you a pat on the head, but I think that will traumatize you.
CPB: See, I’m very smart! Not dumb like everyone thinks!
DG: You’re great, Chip, great! What a country, we live in! Thanks, team, and by the way, this meeting is like the Russian collusion thing…
FG: What? I had nothing to with any peeing hookers! I paid Nate fair and square, in cash!
DG: No!
LG: You mean, like it happened in a fancy ass hotel? DG: No!
CPB: No, he means, that like my case, Hillary expensed it as a legal matter…
DG: No, it never happened! All dismissed, except Weaselman…(They leave.) Weaselman, get me one of our Hollywood friends on the phone; there’s gold in a Three Stooges remake, gold, I tell you!
AW: Done!
KUDOS/damn good job mononymous !!!
can’t really say I enjoyed all the true parts: “Let the court do what it wants, we’ll do the same and ignore their asses. Who’s going to stop us ?”
Thanks much. Yes, there are doses of the unfortunate reality mixed in there...
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