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I think most states will look for relatives first.

But if Grandpa files the complaint, and the state takes the kids and decides Granpa is an acceptable Guardian, then SWMBO’s reaction is going to be “you know this means war!”.

And the state may not decide Granpa is acceptable. The State should only be called as a last resort when you truly fear for the kid’s safety.

I don’t know that there are any easy answers. My ex, did something similar. Quit work when she was pregnant. But hated housework. She got depressed because she knew she wasn’t keeping up the house.

Both of our parents got together and hired a house keeper to try to get us back on track. That helped some. She then went back to work because my business was being shut down. And her attitude changed instantly. She was much happier as soon as she went back to work, but she was really angry at me that she had to. And we kept the housekeeper. And about 2 years later she filed for divorce.

So what I would suggest to Az Joe is that you try to be supportive as possible. Maybe hire them a house keeper to take the load off. Maybe talk her into taking a part time job that she likes to help pay for the house keeper.