Boundaries.
Create your own.
Boundaries usually begin with “I”
...I don’t want to do this, or that
...I do want to do this or the other
...I don’t wish to be spoken to this way or that way
Fill in those answers and you’re half way there.
This will guide you where you should and should not be and conversations you choose for YOU. Boundaries are never about what others can and say and do, they have their own responsibilities.
The next thing I STRONGLY suggest is to do some serious reading about narcissist and borderline personalities.(NPD/BPD)
For a good book,I recommend this...
https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Caretaking-Borderline-Narcissist-Drama/dp/1442238321
...read the description and reviews
My point in all this is this woman behaves as a (NPD/BPD).
When you understand them you can shield yourself with your own personal boundaries.
Hopefully, once you know more, you’ll be able to help him be strong also. One thing to NEVER do is educate her that you’re on to her games and NEVER call her a NPD/BPD. ...ever.
There are two outcomes that are most common. One is that nothing changes...everyone continues to play their “role” in her crazy world. The other is that the empath creates boundaries of self preservation and this usually results in what’s known as narcissistic abandonment...suddenly the NPD/BPD walks out of the relationship. “I never want to see you in my house again” ...sometimes spouses leave relationships.
What is most important to be aware of physical harm that is brewing and be safe.
Sadly, NPD/BPD is mostly not curable, the core of which is based on self-loathing. But while you can’t change her, family members can create their own boundaries.
Good post.
I had this situation with a relative.
I stated my boundaries and asked if they could live with those boundaries.
They said “no”.
We have not spoken since (we are talking decades here).
It was a great move for me.
It is so important to get those crazy people out of your life.
Boundaries usually begin with “I”
***********
There are at least to sides to “I”. I needs to think thru the
best ways to help, offer assistance, take the lead, don’t act
like you are correct one, etc. I may need to ask a few things
like may I help, what is your thoughts, can we do this together,
you take the lead and I’ll follow, etc.
JMO and we are all different for sure. So what may work for one
may not work for others.