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SO... to try to make a long story short, I was on a flight crew and we had to wait on a snobby crew (cough...cough... Delta...cough) to take the crew van to our hotel very late. We actually didn’t have to wait because it was a 20 min wait for them to get through the airport to the van- but to save the van driver from having to make another trip we did. (for context, the other airline had it in their contracts that they were to NOT share the van with another crew so they would have left us. They would, however share rather than wait for another van.)

The other crew was not appreciative as they were boarding so my First Officer started vigorously ‘adjusting his boys’ and then holding out his hand to heartily shake everyone’s hand who was boarding the van. (He was an ol’ Southern boy who had no use for assholes.) There were about 8 of them and it was so funny to see them recoil with disgust- some actually shook his hand as they felt they didn’t have a choice.

THEN, on the 30 min trip to the hotel, one of the verrrry senior old bat female flight attendants waved her hand in front of her face and declared, “Ah swear, there MUST be a papuh mill neah heah.”

My First Officer shook his head and placed his hand on his stomach and said, “No, my tummy is sick.” He was sitting right beside her and passing gas like nobody’s business.

I lay down on the last row of seats and tried to hold my laughter in. Good times...