brief period of asystole until I dared to read the article, then successfully resuscitated
I grabbed my pearls and stumbled toward my fainting couch when I read the headline. Thoughts of doom and the inability to ever accept this future swirled around in my head. Bleak was my outlook. Then in a moment of deep desperation I reached for any sign of saving words in that article which could rescue me in the depths of my despair:
I READ THE ARTICLE.
I coaxed myself to carefully face this apocalyptic scenario, one sentence at a time. And then..i received the reward for ACTUALLY reading the whole story before reacting. Never again will I take a headline as an overview of a story. Life is good.