Posted on 12/08/2019 4:37:48 AM PST by NOBO2012
Be careful what you write on the internet: it turns out it’s not just Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and Google that is judging you.
If your offenses are within an acceptable range you will get an Oxford English Language Dictionary . But if you’ve offended beyond that level you get the special Ikea dictionary.
Ikea dictionary: some assembly required
But hey, according to the IMT (infinite monkey theory) all you need do is select letters at random and pretty soon you’ll have a great post without any grammar errors or misspelled words. Good luck.
Posted from: MOTUS A.D.
I here you!
That wuz funni.
Weight, watt?
Thanks! Due you lick my new tagline?
Watch this spice for future developments...
Do you have a loicense for that spice? (Sounds Australian.)
Oy dew, moyte
I knew some coders that employed the IMT theory of softwAre development.
Due day white cod for new fissures in Woid.
The inventor of autocorrect died recently. May he restaurant in peace...
My fondest dream (delusion) is to live long enough to see an entire page of FR replies that would meet the spelling standards of a 1960s fifth grade class.
I didn’t do it.
Typo field activated.
Good! Autocorrect has always been my worst enema.
O eye lick it! Eye lick it!
Good One! LOL.
Hears another.... “nt sre wht u mn wid th stpd abbrv. if ur ser abt gtg hlp pls spl ur wrds & uz pnct!”
That was pretty good. Texts and posts are often good grammar assassins. I have committed many such crimes.
Personally, I long for the day when all men will be judged and compensated fairly based on his output objectively measured in terms of monkey minutes.
THE CHAOS.
Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse –.
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,.
Make your head with heat grow dizzy..
Tear in eye, your dress will tear..
So shall I!.
Oh hear my prayer..
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,.
Dies and diet, lord and word,.
Sword and sward, retain and Britain...
(Mind the latter, how it’s written.).
Now I surely will not plague you.
With such words as plaque and ague..
But be careful how you speak:.
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;.
Cloven, oven, how and low,.
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe..
Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,.
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles;.
Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far;.
One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;.
Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind..
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,.
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet..
Blood and flood are not like food,.
Nor is mould like should and would. .
Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward..
And your pronunciation’s OK When you correctly say croquet,.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live.. Ivy, privy, famous;.
clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer..
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home..
Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour..
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,.
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,. Shoes, goes, does..
Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age..
Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury..
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. .
Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual..
Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Fe0ffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate;.
Dull, bull, and George ate late. .
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven..
We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. .
Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover;.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; .
Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. .
Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal..
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four.. Gas, alas, and Arkansas..
Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. .
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine..
Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion..
Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. .
Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. .
Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface..
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. .
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,.
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. .
Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. .
Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, .
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work..
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? .
Won’t it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? .
It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,.
Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. .
Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! You’ve been reading “The Chaos” by Gerard Nolst Trenité, written nearly 100 years ago in 1922, designed to demonstrate the irregularity of English spelling and pronunciation.
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