ROTFLMAO!!! At least you’re not as badly off as the guy in Chicago who’s pet is a 26’ reticulated python named “Baby.” That’s really being owned.
I found a Bull Snake, pretty much full grown, down by the barn the other day. Those jerks look just like Rattlers (which we DON'T have, thank gawd!) and they'll even shake their tails at you like a Rattler.
I had Beau come down and identify it, just to be sure I wasn't hallucinating! Yikes!
See what I mean? Eeek! We didn't harm it, of course; they're endangered here in Wisconsin.